mind the gap

nope

2011-06-04T17:15:00.000-04:00

Clearly I am no good at this anymore.

May start up a new blog linked to the email account I use most often... maybe that will help? Who knows.

Ta ta for now, folks!

Hello?

2011-04-22T19:31:00.002-04:00

Wow, a year and two days later I finally remembered how to log in to my blog!!! I'm hoping to get back into writing because I do miss it.

I'm not so grumpy anymore.
I'm not so single anymore (I'm MARRIED).
I'm not so full of rage and confusion... but I am still angered by stupid people and easily annoyed by rude people and strangely baffled by many, many others.

So a lot has changed and a lot hasn't changed. Should make for a good comeback.

I hope...

shame on me

2010-04-20T15:33:00.003-04:00

It's a new year - nearly halfway through a new year and I haven't been on here in ages.

I can't promise that I'll get any better at updating this, so I'm going to do a little rundown of life since my 'crisis'.

The boy that I was waiting to start things up with is now my live-in beau. I moved out of London and we have a lovely little home by the sea.

I found a new job at the end of the year and started off 2010 in a new office, wearing my own clothes, feeling much better.

I am happy, healthy and looking forward to a trip back to Toronto (with my man) for my dear friend's wedding (in which I am a bridesmaid!!!!) in June.

I guess I found this blog helpful when I wasn't so happy and needed to rant and get my feelings down in front of me. It's been helpful to spell things out for myself, and now that I'm seeing things more clearly I may not write as much as I did once.

For those of you who do read this and enjoy reading it I'm sorry I haven't been better at writing.

But, I'm hoping to make more of an effort off the computer with my writing and maybe someday will be able to share it widely with everyone.

Thanks for reading : )

Quarter-life Crisis, indeed.

2009-09-06T05:59:00.003-04:00

What is it about nice, intelligent, good-natured people in their mid to late twenties feeling like shit? Why can't the beautiful, warm, kind, generous people in their mid to late twenties seem to catch a break these days? Yes, I'm talking about me and my lack of any sort of good luck recently, but I'm also talking about more than a handful of my friends. We are all seemingly stuck at a point in our lives where nothing is going on. Actually, that is not true. Allow me to rephrase: nothing good is going on. I admit, I can be a bit dramatic at times, but I think it's fair to say that my life is in a bit of a state at the moment and (thankfully) I'm not alone.

I have a job. That is a GOOD thing. It pays the bills and allows me to be in Central London without having to live off the street scouring every corner for food and water. I work with some amazing people, but I do not enjoy what I do. I am not proud of the work that I do everyday nor am I happy to share the details of my day to day job with acquaintances who have far more challenging and mentally stimulating jobs on their hands. I am tired of forcing a smile on days when I just can't be bothered, and I am tired of saying the same four sentences over and over and over and over and over... you get the idea. I know I shouldn't really complain, because so many people have worse jobs than mine and so many more people don't have jobs at all. But, this is my blog and I can do and say whatever I want. And what I want to say is that my job leaves me feeling drained at the end of every day. Not because I've done so much work that I'm exhausted, not because it's so stressful that my mind can't handle it, but because I don't have to actually use my brain very much to do the things that are required of me and whilst doing these things I have to smile and be polite. Even when I have visitors being very rude to me and insulting me or questioning why I am working where I'm working, I have to be friendly and courteous and it's exhausting.

Now, my job isn't the only thing getting me down but I would say it is the root of all the evils in my life right now. I have friends in and around London that I would like to see more often than I do, and when they aren't free to hang out or when they don't return my messages for days or even weeks at a time, I don't know how to handle things. Normal, happy, energetic Renee knows how to handle these sorts of things, but grumpy, exhausted, confused and unhappy Renee does not. So I find myself getting very emotional and feeling very much alone. Drama queen much?

There is a boy that I like and I want to be with but we've both agreed the timing isn't quite right for us to start something up. I won't go into detail about this part of my life, because some things I like to hold a bit closer to my heart, but I will say that the decision we've made to wait until things are a bit more stable for both of us is the right one. I do not want to be with him the way things are for either of us at the moment, but wanting to be with him eventually makes it hard to not be with him now... if that makes any sense. Anyway, the point of sharing this bit of information is to illustrate how the crazy, crap job has worn me down to such a small and sometimes weak version of myself that even though I know that me and this boy are doing the right thing right now and that we'll be happier for it down the road, I sometimes freak out unnecessarily over things that needn't upset me so much. Things that I should be able to deal with, things I should be able to ignore, things that I should be able to see for what they are and not blow things out of proportion because I'm tired and cranky from spending another long day without friends returning the messages I left them about people being rude to me at work.

I think the bottom line is that I am feeling very overwhelmed by the stress I am putting on myself to find a new job. I am constantly looking for jobs to apply for, constantly sending in applications to no avail, and constantly forcing myself to grin and bear it at work when all I really want to do is quit. I am letting myself get carried away with the little things and I'm not allowing myself to enjoy the bigger, lovelier things in my life, like the fact that I live in a city where I can see or do virtually anything at any given moment. I'm getting myself worked up over things that are out of my control. I'm not allowing myself to relax when I need to. I'm not focusing on the things in my life that I can improve and change for the better. I don't know where I'm going from here, but I think getting some of this out here will help. And if it doesn't, at least I've spent the past ten minutes self-reflecting and I do believe that helps.

That is all for today.

some photos...

2009-08-11T16:12:00.006-04:00

and the songs (those that i remember) in no particular order:

no line on the horizon
magnificent
i know i'll go crazy if i don't go crazy tonight
get on your boots
unknown caller
moment of surrender

ultra violet (light my way)
one
mysterious ways

vertigo
city of blinding lights

beautiful day
walk on

where the streets have no name
i still haven't found what i'm looking for
with or without you

pride (in the name of love)
sunday bloody sunday
angel of harlem

dubbbbbbbbbbbbblin

2009-08-06T03:24:00.002-04:00

"Did you know that Dublin is the world's largest city?"
- "Really?"
"Yeah. It's just keeps dublin' and dublin' and dublin'"

I woke up at 4am, caught a taxi to the train station at 5am and was caught in the middle of a rowdy crowd of Ryanair passangers desperately trying to check-in before catching their budget flights by 6am. Through all of this, I kept thinking, "Is this really worth it?"

Having arrived at the airport two hours before my flight the chaos of the Ryanair check-in area didn't affect my flight, but my mood was slightly elevated by the grumpy unorganised Brits trying to get to a 6:30am flight by arriving at 6... tsk, tsk.

The flight was a breeze, I slept the entire 55 minutes length of it and woke up as we flew over Ireland's coast. When going through customs and asked the purpose of my visit I responded "I'm going to the U2 concert" to which the kind customs officer replied "Oh, another one. Enjoy the show" and sent me on my way. I was beginning to get the feeling this early start was going to be well worth it. I wasn't wrong.

The city was FULL of U2 fans. Everywhere I went shops and restaurants and pubs were playing U2's music. People were smiling and sporting their favourite U2 shirt. Far too many men were trying to pull off "Bono" style sunglasses and too many middle aged women were dolled up to the nines in hopes of wooing him, no doubt.

I met my friend American Evan and his Northern Irish friend Shelly at Trinity College where we dropped off my bag before wandering around the city. We walked all day before making the trek to Croke Park. If you've ever been to Dublin you know that the city isn't too big, but it's big enough to wear yourself out in an afternoon of walking. But we marched on and arrived at the stadium about 90 minutes before showtime... and as a result, we managed to secure spots just about twenty feet from the 'catwalk' section of the stage.

The opening bands were OK, Kaiser Chiefs putting on a VERY entertaining show, but everyone was very, very ready for U2 by the time they took the stage just after 8:30pm. Now, I wasn't too fond of their latest album (although a few of the tracks did remind me of their early 90's stuff) but as soon as the title track started up and the roar of the crowd nearly blew me away, I was impressed. They opened with four tracks from the new album and the energy only got more intense as they broke out some of the old favourites. (I can't remember the entire track list, but I will do my best later today to re-cap what I can remember).

I have to go to work now, so I will leave you all hanging here... but promise that the next installment will include at least one photo.

things i like

2009-08-02T17:25:00.002-04:00

With nothing of much importance to share (I will share the details of my fantastic U2 weekend soon enough) I thought I'd share a few of my favourite things.

I like thunderstorms.
I like green grapes.
I like being barefoot.
I like laughing so hard that I cry.
I like striped clothing.
I like singing loudly while I bake cookies.
I like painting my fingernails.
I like riding on the top of double decker buses.
I like driving.
I like being inside a tent.
I like watching films on a big screen.

ten days later

2009-07-18T18:38:00.003-04:00

Not too bad at making good on my promise that I am back to blogging. Ten days isn't too long, right? I was reading over my last post and realise I should've said "I'm not unhappy" where I said "I am happy", because there isn't anything to really prove that I am happy these days... but like I said, I'm not unhappy either. I'm just feeling a bit blah.

We all get that though, don't we? The blahs. They hit us when we least expect it and if others are like me we pretend that nothing is wrong until one teeny tiny little thing hits us at the exact wrong moment and our world comes crashing down and we are forced to admit that maybe the toilet overflowing onto our bare feet isn't what is really upsetting us.

I am, in truth, feeling letdown by my job and feel that the expectations I had when I started are not being met. Not even close. So on Monday my good friend Andy and I are going to see what we can do to make the best of the worst job either of us has had in a long time. Okay, okay, I'm being a BIT over the top. It's not THAT terrible, but we've just been hit with one disappointment after another since we started, so while the job itself isn't so bad, the letdowns and illusions of grandeur never to be seen are upsetting.

I am going to spend tomorrow afternoon with my lovely friend Sarah having lunch and taking a peak around the shops up in her neck of the woods. I'm really, really looking forward to tomorrow. A lot!

Next weekend I'm flying to Dublin for a U2 concert with my friend Evan - who is flying from New York state for three concerts... a true fan if I ever met one. I will report back about that now that I'm back to reporting back about things.

In other news, a girl that I went to junior high and high school with has recently had her first book published. Lauren Kirshner is the talented and witty author behind "Where We Have To Go" and I highly recommend it. Especially if you live in Toronto, especially if you grew up there, and especially if you are a woman who enjoyed the start of your adolescence around 1993. My heartfelt congratulations to Lauren for this first success - I have a feeling it's only going to get better from here!

i'm back

2009-07-08T18:28:00.001-04:00

Note to my (loyal) readers: I am willing to overlook the significant gap in entries if you are… I think I am ready to say that I am back to regular blogging. Fingers crossed. In 5…4….3….2…1!

I am working as a Visitor Assistant at a VERY well known location in London. I deal with people from around the globe on a daily basis. I converse in English and French and somehow manage to communicate to native Italian, Spanish, German, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Greek, etc. speakers all the time without any knowledge of these languages whatsoever (save a few choice words in the first few languages, and “Monday” in Japanese – get in!) I stand for nearly eight hours a day and while I have gotten used to the sore feat and tense shoulders that come from slightly less-than-perfect posture, I do enjoy the moments I get throughout the day to sit down.

I am living in North London with two lovely girls. One is from the wilds of Bristol and the other from the very ordinary corner of West Africa. We get along very nicely and have a laugh together as often as possible. Though, I think it’s fair to say we ALL love having the house to ourselves when that does happen.

I am single at the moment, though there is a certain someone I’ve had my eye on for quite some time now and I think I would like to see where that might go… we’ll see.

I am happy. Despite my mother’s near constant concern that I am lonely, depressed, scared, homesick, etc. I am enjoying the independence and freedom of living so far from the ordinary and familiar surroundings of home. Yes, I miss my family and my friends and my hometown, but I am still happy here. Admittedly I have moments of wishing I was there instead of here. Moments wondering what on earth I’m doing on this side of the world in a job that doesn’t challenge me (no, communicating with non-English speakers is NOT challenging enough thankyouverymuch!). Moments when I would like to have the luxury of a big enough bank account to pop home for a visit more often. But those moments don’t add up to the same total number of moments of good that I’m experiencing here.

I love the rain, but I also love the way London looks in blazing hot sunshine. I hate riding the tube, but I love the Victoria line. I hate tourists, but I love tourists. I hate when strangers assume I am American (and don’t seem to understand what Canadian is), but I love meeting “fellow Americans”. I hate my job, but I love the buildings I work in and so many of the people I interact with on a daily basis. I hate living outside of Canada, but I love being part of the minority.

More to come soon… I hope.

J'ai 27 ans

2009-05-17T18:37:00.003-04:00

Having recently celebrated my 27th birthday, I thought I would take a moment to share with you 27 things that have made me smile in the five months since I left Toronto. (I know it's been ages since I've posted regular updates on here, but I like my lists, so bear with me for a little while longer while I update you on my new life in the UK thus far with points of interest.)

1. Watching an entire country come to a standstill over 2 inches of snow.
2. Listening to Oasis over dinner at a restaurant in Manchester.
3. Having a friend's cat watch my every move whilst getting ready to leave their flat around midday. Poor Finn wasn't used to having so much company in the day, what with Jen and Jack at work from the early morning to the early evening, so she was very interested to see what I was up to in her home.
4. Watching Lee Evans on TV with Mark, and laughing so much it hurt.
5. Fighting against the wind on Brighton's seafront... nothing makes me smile quite as much as the many happy memories that the wind in Brighton brings me.
6. Going to dinner with Sarah - no matter where we end up we are always seated next to individuals who combined would easily make up the world's strangest people.
7. Walking to work on my birthday while the sun slowly emerged from behind a very scary looking cloud.
8. Going to the cinema at Leicester Square by myself on a Saturday night. I really am a fantastic date.
9. Being told by some of my lovely male friends that I looked gorgeous on my birthday.
10. Watching my colleague Joel gawk at attractive women as they pass us by outside of Parliament.
11. Going swimming.
12. Each and every time I get a piece of mail I smile.
13. Laying in bed listening to the latest Kings of Leon CD on my iPod for the first time in absolute darkness.
14. Being called "love" and "my dear" on a regular basis by friends and shopkeepers.
15. Walking past Buckingham Palace on the way to work.
16. Listening to the rain fall on skylight windows while cuddled up under a warm duvet.
17. Playing Deal or No Deal with Ru on the night before his birthday.
18. Receiving a phone call from Kevin nearly once a week.
19. Knowing that I am going home to Toronto for a visit very soon.
20. Climbing into my bed at night to feel the cool, smooth fitted sheet I bought from IKEA
21. Having Allison nearby, especially on the days when we both really need a good friend.
22. RIO - the carbonated beverage that I often associate with a very memorable weekend in Brighton and the very good friend who introduced me to it.
23. Riding on a nearly empty double decker bus, in the front seat upstairs.
24. Treating myself to expensive luxuries from time to time - for example the hand cream I bought myself at Rituals over a month ago... still makes me smile each time I use it.
25. Being asked directions and knowing the answer.
26. Walking aimlessly around The City on a weekend when it is nearly deserted of all cars and pedestrians.
27. Finding a good deal on a coach or train ticket to a new part of the country.

London

2009-03-30T19:51:00.003-04:00

I was recently asked what my favourite thing about London is. In a city this culturally diverse, rich in thousands of years of history, with one of the best nightlife scenes and a plethora of galleries, museums, theatres, concert halls, neighbourhoods to explore, it is very hard to pinpoint my very favourite thing about London.

So in response to the question posed to me by my brother's very dear friend (and soon to be new mother) Becky, here is a list of SEVEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT LONDON - in no particular order.

1. The Houses of Parliament and the Big Ben Clock Tower - Yes, I am starting this list with my current place of work, but it's a truly remarkable building both inside and out. I love exploring the many corridors and gazing up at the high ceilings that date back to before Canada was even a country... but what I love most about these buildings, and what I have ALWAYS loved about them, is the way they glow at any time of day. In the daytime the sunshine reflects off of the palace and drapes the area in a beautiful dazzling light. In the evening the palace is lit up so beautifully that you can't walk past without stopping to admire it. It is a truly iconic set of buildings and seeing them makes me realise that I am in London, England.

2. Hampstead Heath - The view from atop the hill is stunning on a clear day. Looking down on London you can see Canary Wharf, The City, St. Paul's, the London Eye, the BT Tower, even Crystal Palace off in the distant south. The park itself is really nice, and when it's full of families and joggers and couples in love enjoying the outdoors it is easy to forget that you're in one of the world's largest and busiest cities... but again, the view is there to remind you of how close and accessible all of London's wonders really are.

3. The River Thames - I love the way the river weaves through the city. The way that London is separated, North and South, by the river. There are so many fantastic views of buildings on the river and so many benches placed along the embankment where you can sit and just watch the water for hours on end. The river has so much history to it and I find that I get lost in the images and ideas of London of many many years ago, with bustling docks and great treasures coming in from all across the Empire. The river is something that I don't get tired of, and while it's dirty and doesn't have the same tranquility of the sea, I find it very comforting in this giant city.

4. London Buses - The red double decker bus is a symbol for London and I can't get enough of them. Traffic or clear roads, I love to ride around the city on the bus. It has been the best way for me to orientate myself with certain areas and to realise that things aren't as far apart from each other as I once thought. I especially enjoy riding the bus at night through Central London, and I am looking forward to taking my seat at the front of the upper deck of the bus at Christmastime to ooh and ahh at the the city's lights.

5. Angel/Islington - The trendy, yuppie-filled, neighbourhood makes me feel at home. No, I'm not calling myself a yuppie, or trendy for that matter, but it reminds me of Toronto in a way that no other part of London does. For those of you fortunate enough to know my hometown of Toronto, Angel/Islington is Bloor-Yorkville meets College West, meets Yonge/Eglinton. I know, that's a big vague, but there's something about Angel that makes me feel very much at home, and being in a new city so far from my loved ones, that is a very nice feeling to get.

6. Museums/Galleries - London has soooooooooooo many museums and galleries and most of them are FREE! They are of the highest quality and cover everything from Transport to Military History to Design to Art to Fashion to Photography to just about anything you can imagine. I love that there is always something to do in London on any budget. There is absolutely no excuse to live without culture in this city when so much of it can be found on your doorstep at little to no cost.

7. Tourists - I, as many of you know, LOVE tourists. No matter where I am, no matter whether I am a tourist as well or not, and no matter what time of year, I LOVE TOURISTS! I really enjoy meeting people on holiday, helping them to make the most of their visit, and trying to translate for the many tourists who cannot speak English here in London is always fun. I know it sounds crazy, but I really like seeing people visiting other places. I like knowing that there is an attraction about the place I've chosen to live and that people from all corners of the world share a common interest in the same place. London has more tourists than any other city I've been to, and while I am not a fan of slow-walking tourists on the underground system, I really love that on any given day you're guaranteed to see at least one group of tourists enjoying London, rain or shine.

Oh, I'm bad...

2009-03-18T19:39:00.002-04:00

At updating my blog that is. No more excuses, I just don't make the time to update it as often as I would like to. I have a sneaking suspicion that once I am no longer the lady of the house (ie. when my landlord/housemate returns from her vacation) I will be spending a bit more time on my computer... but don't hold me to that.

Work has started and I'm 8 days in and LOVE it. It's similar to some of the jobs I've done before (dealing with tourists who don't speak English, repeating myself 400 times a day, smiling/standing for many hours at a time...) but I love it. I love tourists and I love that I get the chance to meet so many great people each day.

Today one of the members of the House of Lords was chatting to me about life in Toronto - apparently he lived in my neighbourhood for some time a few years back. As dumb as this sounds, it made me feel really good to have one of the Lords chat with me so candidly about things. It's like we are old friends already... well, almost. Let's see if we ever cross paths again.

My friend Kathryn and her lovely boyfriend Brian got engaged last week and have asked me to be a bridesmaid at their wedding next year. I am SO HAPPY for them and so looking forward to being a part of their day. I haven't stopped smiling since they shared the news with me. CONGRATS, again!

What else??? OH! I am going to Dublin in July to see U2 at Croke Park. I am told it will be SPECTACULAR! I cannot wait! My friend Evan is a huge fan and travels great distances to see them and was kind enough to invite me along this time. Cheers, Woody (so-called because of his uncanny resemblance to Woody from TOY STORY).

That's it that's all from me for now. Maybe one day I'll get back into this... guess it just shows that I am busy and happy and doing many exciting things. Right? Hopefully.

x

Another day, another trip to IKEA

2009-02-27T19:45:00.004-05:00

After four nights in my new home (and in my new giant and oh-so-comfortable bed) I decided a trip back to IKEA to pick out the perfect pillows was in order. So after an afternoon of walking around Central London and a delicious meal at Wagamama I took the bus all the way to the Angel Road Superstores and picked out two fantastic pillows (and a two pairs of pillow cases, a second fitted sheet for my super king size mattress, a cutting board and some cloth storage boxes for my mirror/shelving unit thingy... photos to follow in a later post).

I've really enjoyed the first few days and nights in my new home and while I am liking having the whole place to myself, I am anxious for some company. I discovered a few years back while living on my own in Toronto that I don't like to live alone. I feel safe and secure, but I get lonely without anyone to talk to. Anyone who has lived with me, or had me to their place to stay for a few days, knows I like to talk pretty much all the time. I have another few weeks of solo time in the house but am expecting a couple of guests next weekend - my housemate/landlord's brother and his friend are coming to stay in the big city for a couple days - and hopefully more before the month is out.

Today, the last day of February, I am going to shake off some of my bad habits and allow myself to follow the healthy/motivated/determined path to a better me. I am sticking to this plan this time because, well, I really want to make some changes. As inspiration for this big change I am looking to a wonderful woman I met two years ago. She is intelligent, talented, confident, beautiful, heartfelt, generous, kind and brave. She is my friend Nicole (the one who got me started on blogging, thankyouverymuch) and today is her birthday.

Nicole, I wish you the very happiest of birthdays and hope that this is your greatest and happiest year yet! I am in awe of all of the amazing things you have done in the short time that I have known you, and am even more impressed with each and every new thing I learn about you. You really have inspired me to push myself towards finding a healthier me and to enjoying the long and painful road that I will have to follow to get there. Happy Birthday and thank you for being your lovely self. I wish we lived closer together.

More news to come. I start work the second week of March and I am pretty excited for it. But will certainly enjoy another week of relaxing and sleeping in. Will keep y'all posted.

New House

2009-02-24T15:56:00.007-05:00

As promised, here is an update about my new home.

I moved in yesterday and shortly thereafter headed to IKEA (one of my very favourite shops in the world!) to pick out a duvet and duvet cover and some odds and ends. I found a very cosy duvet (9 tog) and a simple yet lovely white duvet cover. I know, I know, white isn't the wisest of choices because it will look dirty more quickly than others, but it just looks so nice in my new room!

Now, I have moved in and will be sharing the house with its owner (a lovely girl, just two years older than me) and another housemate we have yet to find. At the moment Jo is on vacation so I will have until the end of March to get settled and make this space feel like home, on my own. I am already loving all the space and freedom to do as I like, but I will be glad for my housemate's return, as I do get lonely/bored without much to do. (Still haven't found out when I start work, so once the initial cleaning/unpacking, etc. is done I will be quite bored during the day I reckon).

The kitchen is lovely and I am looking forward to cooking big healthy meals, but tonight wasn't able to carry very many ingredients back from the shop on the bus. I got a few 'essentials' (bread, milk, lettuce, tea, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, jam...) but will have to make another trip to a larger shop tomorrow or the next day. In fact, I may go back to the retail park where IKEA is because there is a giant grocery shop just next to it. We shall see.

The living room/dining area of the house is nice and big with two pullout sofas (very guest-friendly house) and the bathroom is the perfect size with a wonderfully powerful and warm shower (and bath of course, if you're a bath sort of person). My bedroom is the largest in the house and there is a massive wall unit for storing my clothes, shoes, etc. It has more room than I have clothes to fill it, but it's also big enough to keep my suitcases out of the way, to keep the room looking nice and tidy.

I just have to find the correct vacuum bags for the vacuum we have so I can clean up the rug in my bedroom and the one in the living room, other than that I'm almost settled in. Oh, and I still have to head back to Essex to my aunt and uncle's place to get the rest of my things. They will drive me back to London and will be the first to see my new home... unless one of you reading this gets in touch and wants to pop by first : )

OH DEAR

2009-02-13T18:16:00.003-05:00

Where or where have I been? Truth be told, I've been online and just haven't taken the time to write on my poor little blog. I think it's mostly because I'm still using other people's computers and internet connections and I feel a bit bad when I check ALL of my emails, browse for jobs and spend time on facebook and such that I just don't feel like I should stay on longer to write on here. Stupid excuses, I know.

There is SO much to write about and it's already pretty late so I will let you know what things are to come... soon!

1) The snow storm that hit the UK - photos of Brighton and Hove included
2) My shopping adventures - maybe some photos, if I can be bothered to take some
3) My house hunting - SUCCESS! I move into a lovely house in North London in a couple of weeks
4) My continued job search - which is not as necessary as it was before because I GOT A JOB!!!!

I will elaborate on this last point before I sign off. I applied for a job as a Visitor Assistant at the Houses of Parliament before I left Canada. Due to all of the security clearances needed even for an interview, it took them some time to get things in order. On February 4 I had my interview and left feeling very confident - especially once they told me that over 300 people had applied! On February 11 I received a provisional job offer from them! What a great week it has been. I don't yet know when I will start (because they have to do reference checks this coming week and make sure that I'm healthy and not a crazy person before they offer me something for sure), but I will keep you posted because I PROMISE to be better at writing here. I can promise that once I move into my new house (sometime the week of the 23rd) I will be on here more often.

That's that from me - stay tuned (or come back at the end of the month) for more stories.
x

OH! One more thing: The photos below were taken in Witham, Essex where my Aunt and Uncle live. The county got a month's worth of rainfall in one night and all of that rain water combined with some melted snow from earlier in the week caused the rivers to rise and the following images could be seen throughout Essex. Wet, wet, wet.

Life with the Brits

2009-01-27T06:54:00.002-05:00

As I still haven't downloaded any of the photos I've taken (I haven't taken that many yet to be honest), I thought I'd draw you a few mental pictures of my life over here with my very generous friends.

Life with Alli - she kindly gave up her bedroom for me for the first leg of my trip. I spent about 12 days at her place and while the heating was a bit dodgy at times, it was a very warm and welcoming home away from home. She lives very close to the big Tesco which made food shopping a real pleasure. She lives on a quiet street which made sleeping at night very relaxing. She and I have been friends for nearly six years so we had lots of girl talk and during a somewhat stressful time in my life it was really, really good to be with such a wonderful friend for such an extended stay. CHEERS, ALLISON!

Life with Chris and Rach - sacrificing any 'alone time' and eating breakfast in the kitchen instead of sat at the table in the living room (aka my bedroom), they were so generous and kind to let me stay for longer than planned. Their flat is in an ideal location, close to everything I could possibly need and even closer to El Taco than I remembered : ) Their flat is nice and warm with lovely high ceilings and a fantastic collection of cook books! They made me feel very much at home, allowing me to share in the cooking and washing up and even though the air bed I gave them a couple years back has a slow leak these days, I had some very peaceful and relaxing nights at their home. CHEERS, CHRIS AND RACHEL!

Life with Jack and Jen - my London abode. Very generously welcoming me into their flat for three weeknights, they fed me well (delicious Haggis c/o Jen!), fed my internet obsession with broadband access anytime I needed it, and allowed me a warm and cosy place to watch the Obama Inauguration ceremony. If their company wasn't enough, the company of Jen's kitten, Finn, made the mornings on my own so much more enjoyable. She is a lovely little cat who runs crazily all over the flat, but also follows you around very sweetly and climbs up on your lap when you're relaxing. Lots of good conversation and an easily accessible location in East London made my stay with them a lot of fun. CHEERS, JACK AND JEN!

Life with Ru - back in Hove, actually. His flat is shared with two other very friendly and kind Brits called Cheryl and Alan. Their flat is warm, clean, spacious and fully hooked up to all of the media I need (landline, broadband and TV). It's been mainly mornings and late evenings here because of Ru's work schedule (I don't fancy hanging around with the flatmates when they may want their alone time after work, so I tend to come and go according to Ru's schedule), but the time I spend here is very comfortable and enjoyable and I've already been here six nights and while I don't want to overstay my welcome I am in no real hurry to leave. CHEERS, RU and flatmates.

So that's that for now. Hope you are all well. Miss and love all of you who are far away from me.

another update...

2009-01-16T19:43:00.002-05:00

Not much to report. I am still very glad to be back, still looking for jobs, and still staying with friends in Brighton. I spent yesterday in London and caught up with Jack and Arnie once they got off work for the evening. It's been really great seeing old friends and feeling just as at home with (most of) them as I did before.

Tomorrow I'm off to Portsmouth with Allison for some outlet shopping and on Sunday I'm heading back up to London to check out a potential house share with three girls in Hackney. Will report back as soon as I can.

(Sadly, there's not all THAT much that I feel desperate to write about so I don't get on here even with my random updates. I suspect once I get settled and have my own Internet connection I'll be better at this blogging stuff again).

Greetings, from across the pond!

2009-01-05T09:17:00.002-05:00

I finally made it back to England and the smile that has been planted on my face since last week Tuesday is enough to tell me I did, in fact, make the right decision.

I landed midday on Tuesday and met up with my old flatmate (and Vancouverite) Annie in the customs line. We collected our baggage and boarded a coach bound for Brighton. Two hours later, and a little bit groggy, we found a spacious taxi that brought us to Allison’s flat in Hove (actually). After discovering that a week without heat had made the flat cold enough so we could see our breath we turned on the heaters and left for the pub in hopes that they would warm up by the time we returned… they sort of did. The trouble with Alli’s flat is that it’s an older building and the insulation isn’t fantastic. So despite the electric heaters’ best efforts, we had a chilly first night back in England.

The following morning, New Year’s Eve day, I helped get Annie off to catch another coach at 6am. Spent a couple hours online (and should’ve update my blog, but didn’t think of it) and went back to bed. Only to wake up some hours later to catch a train to London for the end of year festivities at my friend Jack’s place.

The night was full of cheerful people, wine, good music, champagne, interesting conversation, beer, and a flat full of some old but mostly new friends. Now, I realise I may never see some of the people I met that night ever again (and honestly hope I don’t see a couple of them), but it was an enjoyable way to ring in 2009 and I was glad for the invite from Jack.

New Year’s Day I made my way back to Brighton, slowly. Spent the rest of that day relaxing and catching up with Allison (who arrived earlier that morning from Ottawa). Friday I spent enjoying the sunshine in Hove and went for a little walk around. In the evening caught up with my dear friend Rupert over some pints and a few rounds of Deal or No Deal (the electronic pub game, not the television show) and ended the evening with some chicken wings and the film GONE BABY GONE chez Rupert. A very enjoyable night indeed.

Saturday and Sunday were very relaxed. Allison, Chris and I went for some drinks and chips on Saturday afternoon and while we had planned to go out later that evening with Rachel, plans fell through when both Allison and I fell asleep around 7:30. It seems it takes a few days for the jet lag to really kick in when you’re keeping busy enough. I slept through the night because when I woke up around 10 with a sore throat and stuffed up nose I opted to catch up on sleep and try to will the sickness away. No such luck. Sunday was spent mostly in bed trying to stay warm and while we ventured out around 3 to pick up some food and such from Tesco, both Alli and I were full of sniffles all day.

And now it’s Monday. The sun is shining, apparently it snowed this morning (and of course I missed it) and though it’s a bit chilly outside, I think I will go for a walk. Might even make it all the way to Brighton (which for those of you who don’t know the geography of Brighton and Hove, is only about fifteen/twenty minutes down the main road until you’re magically in Brighton).

No big plans for the rest of the week other than going to London on Thursday to take a look at a flat near Finsbury Park. I wasn’t planning on looking for a flat until I found a job, but this one is an excellent price for all that is included and if the couple who live there are as nice as they seem and the place is in a decent location it might be wise to get in while I can… I think everyone can agree that finding an affordable place to live (especially in a city like London) and good people to share it with is not an easy feat.

Happy 2009 everyone. I hope your year is starting off as happy as mine. (I will write a New Year type entry in the next day or two).

It's time!

2008-12-29T00:08:00.002-05:00

24 hours from now I will be just over one hour into my flight back to England. I have not yet finished (ahem, started) packing and still don't really feel like I'm leaving TOMORROW! I think it's because I've been spending so much time doing normal Christmas things that I haven't given myself a chance to run around and do crazy pre-trip things. Now, instead of packing, I am sitting at my computer trying to figure out how many people I can spend time with tomorrow before I have to go to the airport. I am factoring in time to go to the bank and time to get a pair of pants hemmed (in one hour!) but not factoring in time to get last minute packing done... so it's now or never.

Also, Kevin should be landing at Pearson at 12:30pm tomorrow which, by the time he gets through customs, etc. should give us about 5 hours to figure out where and when and how we can see each other before I leave. So with a possibility of seeing one of my very best friends before I leave (after not seeing him in over two months) my thoughts are everywhere except where they ought to be: on packing my bags and getting some sleep!

The other day I wrote up a list of a few things I will miss about Toronto - in the interest of getting back to more 'important' things, I've copied it here for your reading pleasure.

---
I think it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that I will miss my friends and family a lot, but there are things and places I will miss almost just as much...

I will miss Shopper's Drugmart - A drugstore is a drugstore is a drugstore (or chemist, for you brits and pharmacy for your yanks) but I have always enjoyed visiting Shopper's more than most. My summer time walks to the store with Karen or Kathryn, spending hours laughing at greeting cards with Leanne, and debating what colour hair dye is best with Emily, there are many happy memories in that store and while I LOVE Boots, I do miss my drugstore when I'm away.

I will miss North American Diet Pepsi - As many of you know, I have a slight addiction to Diet Pepsi. However, the stuff does NOT taste the same in the UK. No sir, not that same at all. Something tastes very different about their sugar-free Pepsi and I don't like it. I guess it's not a terrible thing to go without the stuff for some time, but I sure will miss it.

I will miss memories - While I agree that memories are with you wherever you go, the places and scents that trigger certain memories tend to exist only where the memories were made. I have a lot of very happy (and some not so happy) memories in this city, and I will miss walking past a store and remembering the day I ran into an old friend unexpectedly. I will miss driving past my high school and laughing at all of the things we did inside of its walls. I will miss the movie theatre where I went on my first date. I will miss the patch of sidewalk where my friend slipped on some ice and knocked over garbage bins late at night. I will miss all of the triggers but will hold onto the memories.

I will miss Canadian winter - I know I bitch about being cold, about walking in four inches of slush, about frozen limbs, about shovelling snow, about people not shovelling snow, etc. but there is something real and wonderful about having a harsh and brutal winter. The winter makes me appreciate time inside with my loved ones more. The winter makes me appreciate the tiny hands that worked so hard to make my new isotoner mittens. The winter makes me really, really love the Spring. I will miss having a real winter with snow and frostbite and windchills of -30.

I will miss my bed - I have one of the world's most comfortable beds and I know it will be a long time before I can/will be willing to buy one of equal quality for myself elsewhere. 'Nuff said, I love my bed.

I will miss the Eaton Centre - I like shopping. I like my shopping mall. I like that I know where the stores are. I like that I know where the clean public toilets are. I do enjoy one-stop-shopping and the Eaton Centre generally allows me to do that. As much as I prefer individual shops and some boutiques, I do miss this giant shopping mall when I am away.

I will miss the TTC - No, it's not one of the world's finest public transportation systems, but it is the one I know better than any other. There's something really relaxing about taking public transit when you know exactly how to get where you need to go, and when you know your routes as well as I tend to you are prepared for the delays and malfunctions that occur. For example, I know if there is a train stopped in my home station for more than 4 minutes I should go upstairs and take one of two buses that will bring me exactly where I need to be in (almost) no time! I enjoy getting confused on the NYC and Paris subway systems and highly enjoy the Art on the Underground in London, but I will miss being an expert.

I will miss Salad King - One of the most affordable, delicious and vibrant small restaurants in one of the busiest hubs of the city, I love this restaurant! I have been three times in the past month and would gladly go again before I leave if given the opportunity. The food is hot, spicy, delicious and cheap!

I will miss Yonge and Eglinton - True, this is not the most exciting spot in this fine city of mine, but it's one of my favourite walking destinations. Though I don't do it as often as I used to, I really enjoy the 20 minute walk up to the area and I love to browse the bookstores, the kitchen store and generally just observe the yuppie types who frequent the three Starbucks that exist in a one block radius!

I will miss affordable Sushi - Toronto has more all-you-can-eat sushi restaurants than I can count and with prices starting around $14.99 for endless amounts of the stuff, you really can't go wrong. Okay, you can go wrong. With raw fish you can go VERY wrong, but you get my point. It is very hard to find good and affordable sushi in the UK, but I promise you I will find it and I will let you know where it is.

Christmas Wishes

2008-12-24T16:59:00.005-05:00

Christmas Eve is my very favourite day of the year and as the sun goes down on yet another relaxing December 24th I watch the holiday lights come on around my neighbourhood, and finally sit here with my laptop to share with you my Christmas wishes for this year...

First and foremost, I wish for good health. Not just for myself but for my family and all of my loved ones. Most importantly for my uncle who is still not well. He will have another operation in the new year and hopefully that will take care of everything and 2009 will be his healthiest year yet. I wish good health on all of you and your loved ones as well.

My second wish, a little bit more selfish, is to find a job that I enjoy in London. I am taking a very big step out of the comfort zone I've been living in for the past 18 months to start something new and exciting. I hope beyond hope that I can make a strong start for myself without too much waiting for things to begin.

Thirdly, I wish that the changes that are going on all over the world will lead to brighter, happier, more stable times ahead. I am an eternal optimist and I refuse to believe that the state of the world will continue to decline. I have high hopes for a positive future and look forward to being a part of those things that get us there, together.

My fourth and fifth wishes are materialistic and fantastic, but come on now it's Christmas! I wish for the Foo Fighters Live at Wembley DVD and I wish for it to be hand delivered to me my Dave Grohl and Barack Obama.

Happy Christmas, everyone!

christmas tree!

2008-12-16T23:04:00.006-05:00

On Sunday my family headed up to Drysdale's Tree Farm in Cookstown ON to cut down our Christmas tree. The wagon ride to the field of trees was a lot of fun, walking around in the snow looking at trees was a lot of fun, and watching my brother cut down the tree (his first tree cutting attempt ever) was a lot of fun.

I'm not feeling much like writing too many details or stories at the moment (I'll explain in another post later in the week), but here are some photos for you to enjoy!

Some of the trees we had to choose from

Me and my brother, enjoying being kids for a day

My family in the 'woods'

And finally, our tree.

it's all about me

2008-12-16T01:34:00.003-05:00

I am spending all day today pampering myself. The day starts with a 50 minute full body massage, followed by water treatments all at the Elmwood Spa. Then I will be enjoying something to eat in good company (me, myself and I) and heading further downtown to see if I can pick up a few more items of my Christmas list. And to end the relaxing ME day I am getting my hair tidied up/trimmed. It's only been two months since my last cut(s), but I think getting it redone before going away is a wise idea... especially when we consider the $35 vs. $70 price difference between the Aveda Academy in Toronto and relatively anywhere in England.

Pictures and reviews to follow, along with a little tale about our tree cutting excursion.

Replacing the old with the slightly less old

2008-12-10T23:45:00.004-05:00

I am about halfway into my 40 days before Christmas fast... and it's not a fast per se, I just can't think of another word to describe it. It's my Christmas version of Lent, without any religious undertones. Though this one only started a few years ago when I decided that because the holidays tended to be a time when my good habits went out the window, I would give up some of my more offensive habits in the 40 days leading up to the big holiday in hopes of avoiding a completely unproductive/unhealthy/unattractive holiday season.

Last year I painstakingly gave up soda and biting my nails. Both of which I dove right back into feasting on when the mood struck me. This year, I've given up chocolate and biting my nails. Now, I have no intention of kicking chocolate out of my life on a permanent basis - in fact, I don't eat all that much chocolate during the year as it is (however, at this time of year I tend to say "yes" to at least three too many chocolate chip cookies, cups of hot chocolate, chocolate cupcakes, etc. so it seemed like a good time to cut it out) - but biting my fingernails is something I would like to stop permanently.

It shouldn't be so hard to stop biting them, as I have no desire to do so whatsoever during the 40 days that I give up on my annoying habit, but it has proven to be more difficult to stop it indefinitely. There is, however, one trick that seems to work for me: nail polish. As long as my nails are painted, I spend much more time tending to the chips and dents in the polish than I do clipping and filing my nails with my teeth. So, my new habit is painting my fingernails.

In addition, I was shopping last night and came across a lovely ball of yarn and before I knew it I was on my way to knitting myself a lovely, cosy, warm scarf. I will, of course, show off the finished product but for now....

---
And now, just for fun, a Christmas Survey:

When do you start Christmas shopping?
- Generally around late October when something with a red SALE sticker on it catches my eye as a cool breeze floats in through an open shop door.

Are you finished shopping?
- No, but I am nearly finished.

How many people are you buying for?
- Ten

What are you leaving out for Santa?
- Most likely nothing (because Santa is usually in bed before I am on Christmas Eve), but I'm considering leaving him a beer and a glass of Bailey's

Name 3 things you want for Christmas:
- Nintendo DS, Foo Fighters Live at Wembley DVD, a job in London

Are you traveling this year?
- Not for Christmas... but my big move is on the 29th!

If so, Where to?
- London, baby

Do you have a fireplace/ chimney?
- Nope

Favorite things to get in your stocking?
- Spearmint chewing gum

Any family traditions?
- The four of us each open one gift on Christmas Eve then mum and dad go back upstairs to finish wrapping presents while Scott and I go downstairs to watch one of the many Christmas movies on TV.

What foods does your family have every year at Christmas?
- Always turkey and some kind of potatoes... everything else changes year to year

Who is the most fun to buy for?
- Scott, because he doesn't specify what he wants. He just says things like, "Some clothes, maybe a DVD or something?" So I get to choose what I think is best!

Who is the easiest to buy for?
- Mum because it's always easy to find a book she'd like to read, or some earrings she'll just love.

Who is the hardest to buy for?
- Dad because he doesn't read and doesn't have any hobbies. He always insists that we don't buy him anything and then a day or two before Christmas when I've finished all my shopping says, "You know what you can get me..."

Who gives the best gifts?
- My family spoils me at Christmas. But I have to say my brother really does buy the things I like. Probably because he asks me what I want, I tell him, and he gets it... sometimes he buys something and forgets he's bought it and buys something else. That's when I get lots of presents!

Any movies/specials you have to watch every year?
- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or Scrooged or Home Alone.

Who passes out the presents?
- Scott and I take turns crawling under the tree to reach the gifts.

Main stores you have shopped at this year:
- So far Indigo, Gap, The Bay, BMV, and Future Shop

What kind of tree do you have?
- We're going to cut it down this weekend. It will likely be some kind of spruce tree.

What are your 3 favorite ornaments on your tree?
- The red snowflake my cousin Leanne made for us when I was little is my favourite because it's red and Leanne made it. The Eskimo fishing has always been a favourite because it's been around so long. Santa and Mrs. Claus are also special because they have to hang next to each other and it's always a tricky task finding two branches strong enough to hold them that close together.

What adorns the top of your tree?
- Usually my dad because he's the tallest, but I'm pretty sure I climbed on a chair and did it last year.

Do you collect anything Christmasy?
- Just cards

Whose kids are you buying for this year?
- Anna's son

Can you name all 9 reindeer?
- Yes

Ever watch Ernest Saves Christmas?
- Yes, ages ago

What's your favorite Christmas drink?
- Mulled wine or hot apple cider

Do you like Eggnog?
- No

What flavor candy canes do you like?
- Peppermint

When do you take your tree down?
- Usually January 2

Is Christmas still magical for you?
- Yes, and I think it always will be

What is your favorite thing about Christmas?
- The excitement of Christmas Eve. That is my absolute favourite day of the year! I love the hustle and bustle of last minute shoppers, I love putting my gifts under the tree, and I love falling asleep at night trying to picture everyones faces as they open the things I got for them.

Do you donate at Christmas time?
- I usually give money to the Salvation Army bell ringers in the malls.

Do you make sure to remember the TRUE meaning of Christmas?
- I celebrate my family and my friends at Christmastime and try to remember that they are what really matters in life. That's what Christmas is to me.

How many nativity scenes do you have in your house?
- Just one.

Have you been naughty or nice?
- I am always nice.

And it only took 128 posts to get me here

2008-12-06T16:56:00.005-05:00

I am officially moving back to England on December 29 2008! My flight is booked and I've started mentally packing my bags (which of course, means simply that I have decided on one pair of shoes that is coming with me no matter what - see below). I even bought some of those vacuum seal bags that hold "10-12 sweaters" once all the air is sucked out - has anyone used them before?? I figure even if I can compress 3-4 sweaters or bulky items down to a smaller size I'm in good shape.

So that's the story, that's the news. I am officially on Christmas countdown and am trying to finish all of my shopping before the 20th. I think I will have no problem doing that - unless my brother and I don't end up giving my parents a joint gift, in which case I'll be shopping for my dad up to the eleventh hour. Any gift ideas for a dad who doesn't read books/has no hobbies? It's hard, isn't it!

We're going to cut down our Christmas tree next Sunday (weather permitting of course) and I will certainly post news of that adventure afterwards. I love December, I really, really do! Especially days like today - I'm still in my (new) pyjamas and am enjoying sitting inside where it's warm watching the snow fall silently outside. It's truly perfect and I'm happy to be getting my snow fix before moving to England - the land of (practically) no snow!

Kisses.

Can you say SKETCHY?

2008-12-02T20:19:00.002-05:00

I've been looking at spareroom.co.uk and gumtree.com to get an idea of the flatshare available in London. I've found some really great places (that are unfortunately available too early for me) and some not so great places.

Last night I found what looked like one of those "way-too-good-to-be-true" places. This was the listing:
Knowing full well there would be a catch I emailed the lister to find out what it was, mainly out of curiosity, and sure enough this one came with one hell of a catch.

Here's the response I got:

"Hello and thank for your reply. Please note that this is a standard letter sent to all who reply.

My name is Alison and I could be your next flat mate. Before we speak about the flat let me tell you about the arrangement I have with the current landlord. First off I pay no rent and in fact he pays me. Sometimes as much as 3000 pounds a month for a few hours. And for this I take care of him sexually. Although I have never once had intercourse with him we have done many other things (blowjobs mostly)

The new flat mate will become part of this. I can tell you that I am bi but if you are not that is ok.

If you are interested please let me know and I will tell you more. If not best of luck to you.

Know that this is the deal of a lifetime as you will live rent and bills free have a car and a credit card to buy what you need plus a wage. He will also take us with him on his holidays."

YIKES!

TA-DA!

2008-11-27T19:50:00.005-05:00

Everything turned out really well. I guess it's not that hard to cook Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner after all... though I didn't really choose anything that was overly complicated to make. The turkey was the only thing I was anxious about and it turned out great. Next time, perhaps I'll set my sights a little higher (and will be sure to let someone else clean out the bird before I cook it).
But yum-o-yum. Leftovers galore!

Happy (American) Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T13:50:00.007-05:00

In honour of my American heritage (and dual citizenship) I'm cooking a turkey today for American Thanksgiving. I've never cooked a whole turkey before and though my dad helped me to clean out the turkey (possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do in my entire life!) I'm doing this all on my own. Here's hoping we won't have to order in Chinese food at the eleventh hour!

It's only been in the oven for 17 minutes so I can't really tell you much at this point in time. But I'll be in the kitchen with my laptop for the next four hours or so and will report back.

---

85 minute update: The turkey is starting to smell good, but is clearly nowhere near done. I may see if there's enough juice to do some basting, but not just yet. I've put some potatoes on to boil and will mash them when the time comes. The salad dressing for my favourite chickpea and shrimp salad is ready, but mum will bring the chickpeas when she gets home from work in a couple of hours. Things are going well.

5:55pm update : Everything is ready and cooling and I am still waiting on my chickpeas and shrimp - and my mum and dad. Will take a photo and give a full-bellied review after the meal. Happy Turkey Day, all!

Where to start?

2008-11-26T22:14:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago I did something I have never done and may very well never do again ...

It was my aunt's birthday and my cousin's 40th birthday on November 7, so the two of them decided to have a ladies night out. They chose Brix in Richmond Hill as the destination and had a strict "no men allowed" rule (of course that rule didn't apply at the end of the night when their husbands came to drive them home).

The evening started out harmless enough. My mum and I arrived at the restaurant around 9pm and shortly after our arrival the drinks started to flow. Carolyn, my cousin who was celebrating her birthday, was hooked on Mojitos. My aunt on the other hand couldn't decide what to drink in the absence of Corona - which evidently is the "only drink" that gets her drunk. She had a few different drinks before settling on Mojitos as well. And while she was enjoying her Mojitos quite a lot, she was also enjoying anyone else's she could get her hands on!

My mum and my cousin Carolyn take a shot

I was the designated driver (by choice) and though I enjoyed a yummy gin martini and a couple of shots, I mostly enjoyed watching my mother, my aunt and my cousins down shot after shot. Yes, I said it: shot after shot. My mother suggested they order the shot "orgasm" which I'll admit is delicious, but ordering it from an attractive young bus boy only set the group off into fits of laughter when he blushed and said "You'll have to ask your waitress".

At approximately 9:30pm, while all of the drinking was taking place, the restaurant transformed into a nightclub with strobe lights, smoke machines (actually, there may not have been smoke machines, but something was foggy that night) and Sean Paul on the stereo. The whole group (which totalled about 15 at this point - my 22 year old cousin Jenna, one of the birthday girl's colleagues and myself may have been the only ones who were age-appropriate to the club scene) took to the dance floor.

Me, my mum and my cousin Jenna

It was a very unique experience for sure, one I'm not too eager to repeat (especially since I live at home with my parents and use my nights out as a form of escapism), but a good time none the less.

Good news travels in pairs.

2008-11-20T01:55:00.005-05:00

Today was a very good day for two very big reasons and a very lovely third reason.

Reason 1)
My uncle had the lump on his neck removed today and contrary to what the doctors thought before, this WAS the primary cancer which means they think they've gotten it all out. The doctors will have to run a few more tests and determine if he needs more surgery or any other treatment, but so far so good. He is spending tonight in hospital but goes home tomorrow morning, a much happier and relieved man. And aren't we all relieved... P H E W! He's not in the clear just yet, but me-oh-my he's a hell of a lot closer than we thought he was just yesterday.

Reason 2)
When I got home from the hospital I had an email waiting for me that contained six lovely little words: Your entry clearance has been issued. The brutal waiting game and the incessant form filling out and such is all over... well, nearly over as I have to wait for the mail man to bring me back my passport and documents. But now I can start to plan the next stage of my life with a little more zeal. I think I will stick around Toronto for Christmas, but with my visa in hand I should be able to leave anytime after 3 December if a job offer comes rolling in before the holidays. Yipee!!! London, here I come.

And reason 3)
For the first time this season, Toronto is covered in a beautiful blanket of white snow. It is the perfect snow for walking, for building snowmen, or just for looking at from inside of a warm house with a mug of hot cider. I often forget just how much the first snowfall warms my heart. This is one of those very special moments that comes just once a year, and I am so happy to be home for it again.

Today, November 19 2008 (I realise it's into the wee hours of the 20th but I have yet to go to sleep) has been, officially, the best day of the year.

friends - the eighth

2008-11-15T22:17:00.004-05:00

Back to my tribute to the wonderful friends in my life, with a few words about a really great guy who lives (yup, you guessed it) across the sea.

He and I became friends through a classmate of mine and while it took me a couple of months to really warm up to the other 'extended friends', his warm spirit, unintentional charm and unique brand of humour pulled me in almost immediately. He makes me laugh when I'm being a grump, teases me constantly about my inexplicable crush on Matt Damon, encourages me to move forward when I'm trying desperately to drown in my sorrows, and joins me in far too many pints when there's just nothing else to do.

We've shared many good times in just two years and while the past year has been spent mainly on different continents he always makes an effort to remind me how much I mean to him. He is a true friend and someone who surprises me with a phone call when I need it most. Just tonight he called me and said, "I just wanted to make sure you were happy."

He shares a lovely flat by the sea with his wonderful girlfriend (whom I also adore!!) and I cannot wait to be back in their company! Charming, sweet, caring friends like them are the kinds of friends I cannot live without.

A little survey, just for fun.

2008-11-12T00:42:00.001-05:00

TRUE OR FALSE: Sounds easy enough!

I wear perfume or cologne daily:
False

I have a calendar in my room:
True

I screen my phone calls:
True

I have had my wisdom teeth removed:
True

I have driven a mini-van:
True

I own a video camera:
False

I have allergies:
False

I am an only child:
False

I am afraid of clowns:
False

I subscribe to Cosmopolitan Magazine:
False

I take a daily vitamin:
False

I have too many credit cards:
False

I have painted my bedroom:
False

I have worn hand-me-down clothes:
True

I have broken a bone:
False

I have cheated on a partner:
False

I play video games:
False

I have been in a submarine:
False

I have been to Disney:
True

I have an opinion about Britney Spears:
True

I am an aunt/uncle:
False

I have a scar on my knee:
True

I am currently on medication:
True

I text more than I call people:
False

I have been a bridesmaid/groomsmen:
True

I am married:
False

I have had a surprise birthday party:
False

I drink coffee:
False

I watch American Idol:
False

I have been to Washington DC:
True

I have been on a diet:
True

I have gotten into a car accident:
True

Hiatus Explained

2008-11-10T23:16:00.005-05:00

So, it's been over a week since I last wrote and while I don't have any exciting news to report (other than to say my new visa application is currently being processed in Ottawa and I should hear back next week sometime), I felt it might be a good idea to share a not-so-exciting bit of news with you all. Last week we found out that my uncle/godfather has cancer. Now, as scary as that news is, it's actually been about a million times scarier for us this week because they don't know where the cancer is yet. He's had a lump in his neck for some time now that the doctors have determined is cancerous, but have to do more tests to find the root of the cancer.

Needless to say it's been a very stressful week and I suspect the next week will be even more so since we'll all be waiting to hear the results. Generally, I am an optimistic person when it comes to health matters but when I have absolutely no idea what to expect from this next series of testing, I am terrified.

And in hopes of trying not to think about all of this I opted to drown my sorrows in far too much alcohol this Saturday night and paid for it Sunday morning. Thankfully THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT was on TV in the afternoon to keep my hungover self company. I don't really know what to do or feel or think about all of this right now, and without sounding completely selfish, I think I'll just focus on preparing to move back to England until I know more about my uncle. Though, I may stick around Toronto longer than I'd planned... but we'll see.

Thanks for reading and I promise to get back to more writing soon. In the meantime here are a couple of tidbits from the past week:
- I dressed up as a ladybug for Halloween
- I saw the film SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE in the theatres and highly recommend it
- I went to a nightclub with my mother, my aunt and my 40 year old cousin (and my 22 year old cousin)
- I've recently started looking more seriously at jobs across the UK (not just London)

week one of my 'job'

2008-10-31T00:29:00.003-04:00

So as my first week of my new 'job' nears its end, I thought I would let y'all know how it's been going.
Monday - I had a very good first day, albeit a slow day, I stayed focused and got things done.
Tuesday - Less eventful than my first day, missing a key element of the day thanks to the Leafs game I attended, but I enjoyed quality time with my brother as we watched our hockey team lose... sigh.
Wednesday - A very good day for being organized and getting my mind moving AND getting ahead of myself on some chores. I even started my Christmas shopping!!
Thursday - A great day mostly because I managed to get to the gym downtown for Aquafit and really enjoyed the class. AND, I made a point to introduce myself to the instructor so that he'll remember me and know if I'm skipping class : )
Tomorrow - Yoga class at noon, and the rest of the day is undecided at this point.
Weekend - Teaching a good friend how to use a new computer program on Saturday and Body Flow with Kathryn on Sunday!

I'd say my first week was a good start, but I didn't get to the spin class I had intended to go to yesterday. It's the one class I've wanted to go to since I came home from England (since I quite enjoyed the spin classes I took in Brighton) but have been reluctant to try since they are more advanced and full of familiar faces. Something about turning bright red in front of neighbours is slightly more intimidating than turning bright red in front of all female strangers half way around the world. Alas, I shall overcome that hesitancy and jump on that bike next week!

I'm hoping that in the upcoming days, weeks, months I'll have more interesting thoughts to share with you. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, but not really about anything monumental. I think the last moment of clarity that I shared with you, the realisation that nothing is worth feeling so lousy over, was the eureka moment I needed to clear my mind of all the negativity that was there. Perhaps being more positive makes me less inclined to sit in front of my computer and spill my thoughts, and instead get outside and share a smile with my friends. Yes, I think so.

But fear not, I'll start spilling my beans again soon - just want to take a moment or two to figure out which beans are better kept to oneself.

My new 'job'

2008-10-26T23:21:00.003-04:00

You know how a lot of people say things like "I was dancing like it was my job" or "She was losing weight like it was her job" or "That girl shops like it's her job!"? Well, I'm making some changes in my life like it's my job.

Now, a lot of this new 'job' of mine has come out of a desire to fend off boredom, to keep my mind off of my upcoming visa application, and of course to get myself back to feeling more like myself. So it's all about routine and keeping busy. The 'job' will run Monday to Friday between the hours of 10am and 1am. The 'job' details are not set in stone and the tasks will vary from day to day, but there are three main components to my new 'job':

1) Health - This doesn't need much explanation, but I'll expand on it anyhow. This component is geared at getting me back to being a healthy, active, young woman. I'm only 26 but my weight and physical activity level are not where I would like them to be, even though I'm healthy. For this part of my 'job' I will be taking advantage of the group exercise classes at the gym and from time to time I will be completely in charge of my own exercise regimes. Basically, this is about just doing SOMETHING to keep active and not forcing myself to do something I hate - i.e. spend sixty minutes at the gym doing a mix of cardio and weights. So, each day of the week I will take part in some form of exercise and to top it all off I am making better choices regarding food/drink.

2) Intellect - Because I've been relatively lazy and bored for the past, oh I'd say at least six months, I'm making an effort to get my mind working harder. This will either involve learning a new language (if my lovely friend Kate's Rosetta Stone CDs aren't buried in the home renovations currently underway at her house) or reading more. I started a really great book about a month ago and so far am only 1/9 of the way through it (approximately 90 pages into 800+ pages). My job this summer kept me busy, but it wasn't very intellectually stimulating so I've spent a lot of time chucking out gargled sentences and disconnected thoughts. That is about to change.

3) Maintenance - This is the part of my 'job' where I get my life in order. This will involve one errand or household chore per day. It doesn't matter if I can't see anything that needs to be done around the house, there is always something. Even if it means going through my closet once a week to chuck out old clothes, toys, CDs, books, etc. I WILL get my life in order and will leave this room and this house a much tidier place... at least my areas of the house. There's only so much I can do in the main parts of the house.

So that's that. There are other components to this 'job', but like any job description/outline they can't all be listed here. Other highlights of this 'job' include:
- optional weekends off
- quality time with family
- bonuses for exceeding performance expectations
- improved quality of life and increased happiness.

halloween?

2008-10-23T01:46:00.002-04:00

I generally like dressing up in a costume, pretending to be someone else for a night, yet, this year I am not sure if I will partake in the festivities. I think it's because I'm lacking a good costume idea. ANY IDEAS????

As some of you may remember, last year I dressed up as Amy Winehouse and had a great time and much applause from my friends and strangers for my costume. It was fun dressing up as a real person, but this year I just can't think of anything other than the old standards (Witch, Cowgirl, Cat, etc.) I have toyed with the idea of going as a flapper now that I have a nice bob to show off (albeit a slanted bob), but I'm not too keen on the idea of spending oodles of money on a costume.

I've been invited to two separate parties which will both be followed by nights on the town, but I may opt to dress up at home and hand out candy to the kiddies while watching scary movies under a blanket. With caramel corn.....

But seriously, COSTUME IDEAS PLEASE!

hair

2008-10-22T00:14:00.004-04:00

A vast improvement from the cut I got last Friday (unfortunately I didn't snap a shot of that one before ridding myself of it's hideousness) and nearly half the price! I love, love, love the Aveda Academy Salon. Ladies, if you have access to one of these where you live, it's the place to go. $35 for a cut and they know what looks are current and what products actually do. You can't tell from the photo, but this cut is a slanted bob similar to the one I got back in May, but much more of a difference between back and front this time. I'll see if I can get a good photo of my profile or from the back.

A few more plans are now filling up my calendar - dinner with Leanne next week Monday and a half day of work coming up the second week of November. I know, I shouldn't go too fast (haha, right!)... at least it's a little bit of money coming in.

Nicole, I wasn't sure if you wanted a before and after of my haircut or my room... I assumed you meant the room? I tried to convince my dad to take me to Home Depot tonight to get the paint, but he seemed reluctant to do so, even though he promised we could paint my room. I think this is more of a weekend task, so I'll keep y'all posted.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2008-10-20T15:36:00.006-04:00

It's almost time to re-apply for my Visa... but the time of the year I was referring to as the most wonderful is, of course, autumn. And Autumn in Toronto is well underway and I am finding the time to enjoy all of the wonderful things that come with it.

Sadly, the Boston Red Sox were defeated by the Tampa Bay Rays last night and therefore their season is over. I am not a big enough baseball fan to watch Tampa and Philadelphia compete for the World Series trophy, but I am sure to catch a moment or two of the series. In the meantime, the rest of the world is out there to enjoy.

Here are some wonderful things coming up in the next two weeks:

Tuesday - new haircut at Aveda (to undo the wicked 1996 era haircut I got on Friday)
Wednesday - dinner with Robbie
Friday - Banana Republic and Gap outlet stores open at Vaughan Mills
Friday - girls night out with Emily, Kate and Anna (our first post-baby girls night)
Tuesday - Leafs game at the ACC
Thursday - Em's birthday
Friday - Halloween
Saturday - Em's birthday night out

I'm also hoping to go apple picking and to paint my bedroom one of these two colours:
or

Things are going fairly well right now... after a bit of a meltdown last week I realised nothing is worth feeling that lousy over, and I'm moving forward.

Since I am not working at the moment I am finding time to spend with my new friend Shaun T and his hip hop abs. We've had two dates so far and though there's not all that much room in my house for our escapades, I do the best I can with the space I've got. So far my flip flop abs are keeping up with him, but I do NOT look or feel like I'm dancing.

ALCS

2008-10-17T00:49:00.003-04:00

Ahh yes, the American League Championship Series. How could I forget one of my favourite things about October in North America.
Thank you British High Commission in Ottawa for rejecting my visa application last month so that I am now able to sweat through the Red Sox postseason games.
Thank you for forcing me to hang around on a continent that appreciates and understands the excitement of major league baseball!
Special thanks to the the Papelbon's and the Varitek's for brining Jonathan and Jason into my life.

Ahh yes, baseball.

honesty

2008-10-16T00:10:00.005-04:00

i haven't been honest with you.
i haven't been honest with myself.
i have been unhappy for most of the last 13 months with a few exceptions.

the above photo is me, at 12:10am on october 16 2008. this miserable, negative, lethargic, pathetic person is not me. it's just a tired version of me seemingly incapable of taking care of herself.

the recent entries about me being positive and being committed to making changes in my life, haven't been honest.
they have, for the most part, been attempts to regain some happiness that i haven't been able to find. they have been attempts at sharing my feelings in hopes that that would help me to feel better.
but i've realised in the last couple of days that i can't will myself to be happy, i have to make some serious changes to get back to feeling it without effort.

i have been happy recently, but in short bursts. anytime i was with my friend kevin i was happy - even shopping for socks at walmart with him on the day he left, i was happy.

i was happy when i was with the gorgeous puppy pictured below. something about a baby animal is so pure and innocent and wonderful. the smile in this photo is very real and i am hopeful that i will be able to find an outlet for all of the negativity inside me in the next few days so that i can start to get back to being me again.

Tradtions

2008-10-13T22:52:00.004-04:00

Today is the holiday of thanks, the day on which we are meant to be thankful for all of the great things we have as the harvest season in Canada comes to an end. According to Wikipedia, this is how we do it north of the border:

"While the actual Thanksgiving holiday is on a Monday, Canadians might eat their Thanksgiving meal on any day of the three day weekend. Thanksgiving is often celebrated with family, it is also often a time for weekend getaways for couples to observe the autumn leaves, spend one last weekend at the cottage, or participate in various outdoor activities such as hiking, fishing, and hunting."

This year we did things quite different. As most of you know, I spent the weekend in Western Massachusetts visiting my grandmother and the members of my father's family who live in the area. It was a really nice weekend, one in which we spent a lot of quality family time, observed the autumn leaves, outlet shopped 'til we dropped and of course ate a lot of food. Okay, so we didn't have any turkey or cranberry sauce but we did have pumpkin pie, apple pie, vanilla ice cream, mashed potatoes, apple sauce, Chinese food, McDonald's, Fuddrucker's... new traditions perhaps? I should think not. I am contemplating cooking a turkey sometime this week or next (we do have one in the freezer after all) but we'll see if that plan comes to be.

I will post more news about the fun family long weekend in America tomorrow or another day this week, because I am far too tired after nearly 12 hours in the van with my immediate family... the drive normally takes 8.5-9 hours (including our annual stops at WalMart and CVS in Lowville NY) but all of the other families celebrating out of town decided to jump on the 401 at the same time as us - how inconsiderate. Oh well. We arrived, safe and sound

And now, as I sit down to enjoy my renewed solitude with a small bowl of very traditional cous-cous, I am reminded how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family but also how lucky I am to have my wonderful independence... now if I could just figure out where my parents have hidden it.

Happy Thanksgiving, my fellow Canadians!

and he's off

2008-10-07T23:49:00.002-04:00

Kevin. One of my nearest and dearest friends, one of the very few people who truly 'gets' me, and the only person who shares my intense desire for a somewhat nomadic lifestyle. Nomadic probably isn't the exact word to describe what the two of us crave, but it will have to suffice for now.

He's currently on an overnight bus to NYC where he'll spend a few days before embarking on a very big and exciting journey to South America. He's headed there without much of a plan, with minimal clothing, and he's doing it all on his own. He's looking for something though I'm not sure he knows what it is that he's hoping to find. I suspect finding himself is the main goal.

He's been a huge source of motivation and support for me over the past year or so, and though I am very proud of him for taking this trip I am so sad that he's gone. Selfishly it's because I am in Toronto without him now. Without a plan and without Kevin to tell me that everything is going to be okay... ahh, but that is what email is for, right?

I'm only sulking because he ended up getting out of town before me. The plan was that I was going to be leaving about a week or so before him... and we all know that plan has changed. Anyway, as I told him tonight, I'm not bitter - but it should've been me. Haha, no I'm kidding. Really.

I will miss him though. But at least I have the gym to keep me company.

oops

2008-10-02T19:13:00.002-04:00

I never posted a photo of me on here to go along with my new health plan. So here's a webcam snapshot of me... 7:15pm on 2 October 2008.

Life is, actually, good.

2008-10-01T23:27:00.004-04:00

Life at the moment is not what I thought it would be on October 1 2008. A year ago I was moaning about being home and had promised myself that no matter what I would be in England again by the end of September 2008. That didn't work out, but such is life, and here I am.

I won't bore you with hours and hours (or should I say, lines and lines) of my negativity today, but I will say that I am pretty bummed that things haven't worked out for me yet, but I am optimistic that they will.

For I still believe everything happens for a reason - maybe I didn't get my UK visa just yet because the ideal job for me is going to magically appear on the London job sites in December not October. And maybe I didn't get my UK visa just yet because I am destined to win the lottery here in Ontario sometime during the month of October 2008. And maybe I didn't get my UK visa just yet because my family and friends need just a little bit more love and support from me at the moment and I can't selfishly run away just yet.

Recently, a friend of mine was in town because her mother was having major surgery. If I'd gotten my UK visa I wouldn't have been here to keep her company, to hang out and catch up with her or to see her mother and know that everything went really well.

One of my very best friends has an important job interview tomorrow and is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend - both really big things in her life right now, and if I'd gotten my UK visa I wouldn't be here to cheer her on and toast a glass of wine to her happiness in her new home.

I haven't seen my grandmother since last October and though she is doing well, in good health and in good spirits, she recently turned 85 and if I'd gotten my UK visa I wouldn't be able to go spend the upcoming long weekend with her to celebrate the amazing family that I have because of her.

If I'd gotten my UK visa I would've missed watching the baseball postseason on TV with my dad, I would've missed everyone getting excited about the start of hockey season, I would've missed sweater weather in Toronto, I would've missed seeing my dear friend Liz on her vacation home, I would've missed the grand opening of the Banana Republic outlet at Vaughan Mills, I would've missed my parents' anniversary, my dear friend's birthday, and many other things that October brings.

So here I am, two days after receiving really disappointing news and focusing on the good things. October should be a good month and at the end of it I will go through the visa application hell all over again - unfortunately one of my very best friends and one of the most important people in my life, won't be here to hold my hand this time. He'll be somewhere in Argentina finding himself... for which I am very proud of him.

visa refused

2008-09-29T12:46:00.003-04:00

No visa for me.
No England for me right now.

I don't want to go into too much detail - it was refused based on me not having the money in my account for three months prior to applying. The same damn rule I've been talking about for a couple months now. It's infuriating but I understand and appreciate rules for what they are.

That being said, I now have what I can only imagine will be an unbearable six weeks of not spending money, not working, not doing anything (oh wait, I WILL be working out every day now as a sort of punishment/motivational factor). And at the end of it all I get to pay the absurd application fee all over again and hope that they will say YES, PLEASE COME TO OUR COUNTRY AND CONTRIBUTE.

More later - I don't have the mental capacity to write anything else now.

what a beautiful day!

2008-09-28T11:20:00.002-04:00

The sun is shining and there is that perfect amount of wind blowing through the trees. It is a beautiful day and I am heading to the gym. *sigh*

I don't mind so much that I'm going today because I don't intend to do too much cardio - on this lovely Sunday I will go for a long walk outdoors instead of on the treadmill. Good plan indeed.

Last night my parents had about 30 people over for dinner and the party of mostly "oldies" as my cousin's boyfriend so sweetly termed them, lasted until after 1am. Well done mum and dad. It's always nice to see my parents' friends and my extended family, but last night I was exhausted about an hour into things because of being asked repeatedly about my plans to go back to England. It's not easy telling the same story over and over (even though I've shared it on here a few times, it's not as easy in person) and I get upset easily thinking about the possibility of not getting my visa.

My uncle Tim, one of my favourite people in the world, had a lot of positive energy and says he has a good feeling about it. That sort of thinking is appreciated - so if anyone out there has any positive energy to share, I'm starting to run low on mine.

Gym time.

progress

2008-09-26T17:36:00.004-04:00

Day five got me to the gym. Only a short visit (with Kathryn) but a visit nonetheless. And I ran on the tredmill for four minutes straight, so I was pleased with that. Little by little right?

I had my one day of soda and in that one day I had less than one of those tiny coke zero cans, so not too shabby with the soda limiting at all.

OH, my visa has seen some progress. A decision has been made and it is in the mail. I should receive it by next Wednesday I should think - but something about the email makes me think that it's been refused.... but, the positive spirit inside of me is telling me that I have been approved and the emails just don't tell you either way anymore. FINGERS CROSSED, again and again.

I told Kathryn today that if I don't get it I will go to the gym every day. She said that was punishment and I agreed, but told her that something good had to come out of this whole ordeal.

And it should be noted that when I say I will go to the gym every day I mostly mean I will workout every day. NO WAY IN HELL am I going t that gym every day, ever. There are many other ways to keep fit.

The end for now.

Distractions, please

2008-09-22T01:09:00.003-04:00

In an effort to keep my mind off of my UK visa application (pardon, my recently delayed UK visa application), I have decided to refocus my attention to my OTHER PLAN. You know, the plan that I had ages and ages ago to lose weight, get in shape, blah blah blah. Well, I've not been so good to myself in the way of food and exercise of late, so I am going to focus my energy and my mind on that goal over the next few weeks.

I still hate the gym, but I am going to see if I can enjoy group exercise classes - I might even try a spin class (though I am still a bit hesitant to jump into 55 mins of it after only having done 30 mins at the beginner level in the past). Kate has joined my gym so we can do a class together and I'll see if I can't get myself down to Aquafit at the gym downtown at least once this week.

I was also talking to Kathryn about wanting to build up endurance and such for running. She expressed a similar interest and while we both know it's going to take a long time before either of us are proper runners, we'd like to make the effort to give it a go.

Tomorrow is DAY 1 (or day 1000 for those of you who may have started counting with me 3 years ago when I vowed I would get back in shape after four years of undergraduate studies and booze...), and while I know there are some changes that will take time before becoming part of my lifestyle, I'm excited to make this start. I'm not setting a bunch of rules for myself because I know those will only last so long before I go back to old habits. Little by little I'm going to make these changes towards a better me.

Yes, I agree, that all sounded very corny.

Step one: replace soda with water or milk.
As many of you know I am slightly obsessed with diet Pepsi and other fizzy drinks. It's good that they are not the high sugar drinks, but they are still TERRIBLE for me in other ways. I am going to make a dedicated effort to limit myself to one soda per week (if I really need it) and to try to control my cravings for fizzy drinks by drinking very cold water.

I will report back with progress and added 'steps'. It's funny, because I talk and talk about how I want to make changes in my life, I want to be healthier and feel better about myself, etc. but I always find a way to slack in these areas. Somehow being lazy, overweight, and somewhat miserable has started to suit me just fine - AND THAT IS WHY I'M CHANGING NOW! I am so sick of behaving this way. This is not who I am, it's just who I am pretending to be while I'm feeling lazy.

And I am incredibly stubborn and need to make these changes on my own. I don't like my family telling me they will help me exercise or eat better. I like to do things on my own and always have. BUT, but posting my progress on my blog, I feel as though I have someone to answer to... for lack of better phrasing. Those of you who take the time to read my blog, those of you who actually care about what's going on in this head of mine, you are the ones that I will have to be accountable to. Now, I know there is very little way for you to enforce any of these things I am saying/planning out, but knowing that someone is reading (thank you, Nicole) and knowing that someone is supporting me in this, and knowing that someone will be proud of me when I accomplish this, helps.

It's silly,yes, but it's how I need to do things. On my own, but with someone to report back to so that I keep at it.

Tomorrow I will post a photo of me on DAY 1 and though I'm not ready to post my current weight on here (though I think the embarassment of posting it for all to see would kickstart my goals in a way that few other things would) I will keep track of that on my own... and will update on any pounds or inches lost as a result of my changes. It should be said that if I stick to this, this blog is about to take a slightly dull turn towards health diary town. Be warned.

For now, here is an old photo of the healthier, fitter me. Circa 2001 - before the drinking and bad eating habits became a part of my life - taken during frosh week at university.

xx

back to the movies

2008-09-20T02:06:00.002-04:00

Tonight I saw the new Coen Brothers' film, Burn After Reading. Now, while I can't decide if this is a good movie worth recommending to friends and family, I can say that I enjoyed it.

George Clooney looks deliciously handsome (as usual), Brad Pitt has taken on his familiar clumsy/blonde persona that I haven't seen for some time now, and John Malkovich is great (again, as usual). Frances McDormand I could've done with less of, same goes for Tilda Swinton (but mainly because I didn't love her character, and not due to overacting which was the reason I would've preferred less of the aformermentioned actor).

There was one particularly funny scene between Brad Pitt and George Clooney, and it might've been the highlight of the film for me. Funny enough, they didn't even exchange any lines of dialogue in this scene, but it was priceless.

Not sure this is your typical Coen Brothers' film, but it certainly isn't a typical film - whatever that means.

Yes, I enjoyed it.

loss

2008-09-19T00:07:00.003-04:00

How often we lament the things we have lost and so very rarely stop to praise that which we have found...

I find myself moaning about things I have lost over the past decade. THINGS I have lost that have meant something to me and are now gone. I whine about a ring I once loved that fell off at a concert. I cry about a passport full of stamps, records of my travels, that was stolen from me. I complain endlessly about the favourite pen, the perfect lip gloss and the comfortable socks all misplaced in the black hole that is my bedroom.

And then there is real loss. The loss of a family member or a friend. The loss of someone who has touched your life in a way that no one else has or perhaps ever will. Someone who has been something for you and will never be there again. These are the losses I find myself least willing to talk about, yet they are ones that ultimately spend much more time in the active part of my mind.

I lost my 17 year old cousin to cancer when I was 13. I knew what cancer was and I knew that people died from it, but when she got sick I always thought she would get better eventually. That we would grow closer as we got older and that she'd guide me through my teenage years the way a big sister would have done, if I'd had one. And then I suddenly realised that there was a chance she wouldn't make it... so I did the only thing that I knew how to do in a situation about life and death: I went to church.

I went to a special church in Montreal and lit candles for her, I went to our regular church in Toronto and said prayers with my family, I even found myself saying special prayers whenever I saw churches. I didn't know what else to do and perhaps foolishly, thought that all the praying I did for her to get better would actually make her better. I guess I didn't really understand the concept of prayer and didn't understand that it was more a way for me to find strength to deal with the situation and to accept what was going on around me and somehow seek guidance for the road ahead,. Thing is, I didn't want to face that road ahead with or without guidance if it meant that my cousin wasn't going to be around to face it with me.

I lost my cousin when I was 13, and before ever really having a chance to experience religion as a young adult, I abandoned any interest I had ever had in religion and lost my faith right then and there. I was never a very religious person beforehand, but I know I used to believe in something... I know I used to see some good in going to church and appreciated the support it seemed to offer to my family and friends who cared about it. But when prayers didn't help my cousin to get better and when praying didn't help me to feel better about the situation, I lost it.

The funny thing is that at 26 I am still bitter and still angry that my cousin died, and I guess the fact that I am angry that all my praying 'didn't work' indicates that I must still believe in something. That I must believe in a higher power that could have helped her, but chose not to. That I must believe that there is someone or something governing our lives down here and making choices about who should live and who should die and when. I don't know what I believe these days, and I don't know what exactly I lost in terms of faith... but I do know that the loss of my cousin shook me and things inside me haven't settled yet.

I guess moaning about losing an old ring isn't as hard as thinking about how much I miss my cousin every day.

Matt Damon....

2008-09-13T13:57:00.002-04:00

Just another reason why I love Matt Damon:

Oasis attack at VFest

2008-09-08T20:03:00.002-04:00

On the 6th and 7th of September I attended Virgin Festival in Toronto. My two favourite bands, Foo Fighters and Oasis, were headlining AND I finally got to see Stereophonics live!

The two days were really great until during one of my very favourite songs ever (What's the Story) Morning Glory some bozo decided to jump onto the stage, shove Noel to the ground and cause a 15 minute gap in the show.

Luckily, I happened to be taking a video at the time of the incident and have since posted it on youtube. See below:

100 posts already?!

2008-09-04T21:46:00.010-04:00

In honour of my blog's first year anniversary on the 11th, and in honour of this being my 100th post and in honour of the fabulous friend who inspired me to start this blog (Nicole) , I will be doing my version of her 100 things for her 100th post. So, for better or for worse, here are 100 things you may or may not (want to) know about me...

1) My very favourite drink in the whole wide world is apple juice. Though I don't drink it very often, it always (and I mean ALWAYS) makes me happy when I do drink it.

2) I have travelled to thirteen countries yet I have never visited Canada's West Coast.

3) I cry when I am angry.

4) I have an irrational fear of bees and wasps.

5) I rarely drink tea or coffee, but have an on-again-off-again love affair with Diet Pepsi.

6) When I was seven years old I wanted to be a rock star. When I was eight years old I wanted to be a third grade teacher. At 26, I don't know what I want to be.

7) I love listening to the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy soundtrack.

8) Although I have only been 'in love' once, I have truly loved four different men in my life without letting all of them know it.

9) My favourite nut is the pistachio. My least favourite nut is the brazil nut.

10) I strongly dislike steamed carrots and dried bananas.

11) I really want to travel to Russia some day.

12) I want to get married when I still have single friends to toss my bouquet to.

13) I have a fantastic memory which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I will always remember the details of my very first kiss. A curse because I will always remember every single detail of the very first time my heart broke, and every time after that.

14) I appreciate constructive criticism, but loathe people who refuse to combine it with positive reinforcement.

15) I prefer Major League Baseball to Ice Hockey.

16) My three favourite foods are: rice, cheese and tomatoes.

17) Barack Obama makes me very happy. As silly as this might sound, every time I see him or read about him I am filled with so much hope.

18) I have two tattoos.

19) I love getting my hair cut.

20) I want to lose about 30 pounds, but cannot seem to find the motivation to do so.

21) I would very much like to retire by the sea.

22) I have a lot of trouble falling to sleep, but can fall asleep quite easily to the sound of a particular friend snoring or to re-runs of Friends/Seinfeld.

23) One of the most attractive boys I have ever kissed was a fella named Ryan that I met at Crocodile Rock in 2004. These days I refer to him as 'Judestin Timberlaw' due to a resemblance I thought he had to Justin Timberlake while Emily thought he looked more like Jude Law... either way, not too shabby.

24) I have been called each of the following names at some point in my life: Renee, Ree-nee, Ren, Ray Ray, Rennie, Renoir, Flaneil, Janeil Harshenee, Renedelman.

25) I am generally quite blunt and do not embarrass easily.

26) I love tourists.

27) I HATE WHEN PEOPLE REACH OVER MY PLATE OF FOOD TO REACH SOMETHING!

28) I could never be a vegetarian, but I tend to avoid veal and lamb.

29) If I could have any musician compose and record a song with me, it would be a lovely duet between me and Mr. Noel Gallagher.

30) My ring size is 8 and 1/4.

31) I have been writing a screenplay in my head for the last ten years and hope to finally get it, or some version of it, on paper sometime soon.

32) I don't have a favourite movie star these days, but something about Matt Damon really makes me... smile.

Just this morning, I got to work feeling really stressed and a bit upset and someone had put a travel magazine on my desk for me to look through. Normally this would not lift me out of my funk, but my boyfriend Matt Damon was on the cover looking very handsome and I felt a sudden smile curl it's way onto my face.

33) I am a very open and honest person, though I sometimes think I am a bit too revealing and worry that I might get myself hurt.

34) I love to drive.

35) I, rather foolishly, believe that someone in my family will win the lottery one day.

36) I am a fairly clean and tidy person, but when I am unhappy my room tends to become a heaping mess of clothes, books, shoes, etc. scattered everywhere.

37) I have a Master's Degree in Contemporary History from the University of Sussex, and would go back to do a PhD in a heartbeat if I could come up with a solid research proposal.

38) I prefer salty foods over sweets.

39) I am currently in the process of making arrangements to move back to England... for an indefinite period of time.

40) I enjoy watching re-runs of 1990s sitcoms but do not watch very many current television shows (other than Jeopardy, The Office and Heroes).

41) I am very close to both of my parents and to my brother... and I am so thankful for that.

42) I am looking forward to the day when I have children of my own.

43) I would like to write a book and though I may not get it published, I promise I will complete at least one book in my lifetime.

44) Although I vote, I do not follow politics very closely at all.

45) I have never seen, nor do I intend to see any of the following films: Kill Bill or Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

46) I am always willing to watch the following films: Back to the Future, Fever Pitch, or The Bourne Identity.

47) I would rather be too cold than too hot.

48) Just over one year ago I was the happiest I have ever been. Just over a month ago I was the saddest I have been in a long time. Just over a week from now my life will likely change in a major way.

49) I like to make promises, because I keep them. I don't like when things are promised to me because I have too often been let down.

50) I still secretly want to be a rock star but my education tells me I should pursue something more attainable.

51) I have very vivid, realistic dreams. They are often about people I haven't seen in ages and sometimes I wake up and have an email or get a phone call from that person... sometimes I'm the one who has to send the email or make the phone call.

52) My favourite fast food restaurant in the entire world is El Taco in Brighton. I could eat burritos from El Taco every day and never grow tired of them.

53) When I was ten I thought that Elijah Wood and I looked alike and thought we ought to be in a movie together playing twins. I also secretly wished that while working together on that film we would fall in love and eventually get married and have babies with gigantic blue eyes.

54) When living on my own I don't tend to buy junk food. Instead my fridge is usually stocked with tomatoes, my cupboard with rice and canned chick peas, and somewhere some frozen chicken breasts. If I crave junk food I force myself to walk a long distance to buy myself a treat. When living with my parents I eat way too much, way too often.

55) I am still not sure that I believe in God, but I have found myself praying to God at various times in my life so I must believe in something.

56) I am more bothered by the thought of ants in my house than the thought of mice in my house.

57) I would love to live in Paris but my French language skills are not what they used to be and I fear it would take me at least two years to build up the necessary fluency for a decent job. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to give it a go.

58) If given enough holiday time from my future job, and if I have the funds to do so, I would like to travel to India sometime within the next 18 months.

59) I have been to two weddings of friends and though they were both couples who had been dating and engaged for some time, it's still strange to think that my friends are married!

60) I recently made the decision to stop spending my time and energy on people who continually let me down - and I feel much better for it.

61) Mt favourite musical is Les Miserables. My least favourite musical is FAME.

62) I have only recently started to enjoy reading for pleasure.

63) I checked my email at least twenty times today.

64) My bedroom closet is full of clothes I haven't worn in ten years and photos albums I haven't looked at in at least that long... something needs to change.

65) When I have the time (approximately three days and nights in a row) I really enjoy cleaning my room - the whole nine yards: gutting the closet, reorganizing the bookshelf, tossing out clothes, etc. It's so satisfying.

66) When I worked in the bookstore my favourite thing to do was re-shelve the travel section to put everything back in its rightful place (i.e. to take New Mexico out of the Mexico section and return it promptly to the USA section).

67) I have often thought of the names Kevin and Jack for potential sons of mine, but now that I have two very close friends bearing those names, I will search out other options when that time comes.

68) My favourite bands are Oasis and Foo Fighters.

69) My closest girl friends are in long term relationships and I haven't had a proper boyfriend in over four years. As much as I'm okay on my own, sometimes it sucks.

70) My favourite ice cream flavour is strawberry. My favourite gelato flavour is pear.

71) If I came into a large sum of money tomorrow I would pay off my brother's student loans immediately.

72) I have been told at various points in my life that I both look like and at times act like Drew Barrymore - as flattered as I was to hear it recently, I disagree.

73) I would rather have a cat than a dog.

74) I am slightly mesmerized by skyscrapers.

75) I have spent most of my 26 years in Toronto and have never been to the revolving restaurant in the CN Tower.

76) I collect postcards.

77) My shoe size varies between 8, 8.5 and 9.

78) I am really looking forward to the next Harry Potter film.

79) I am currently reading How to be Good by Nick Hornby and while I am enjoying it, I am looking forward to finishing it. Next on my list is either: The Frozen Thames, Angels and Demons, or Shantaram.

80) My middle name is Phyllis.

81) I have a bad habit of biting my fingernails, but if I put nail polish on I am not even tempted to bite them.

82) I bruise easily.

83) I am a fairly creative person but have never been very good at drawing.

84) I would rather spend the rest of my life married to one best friend than marry and divorce multiple lovers.

85) I have never been fond of cooked squash and in fact used to pretend to be allergic to it just so I wouldn't have to eat it.

86) I want to learn to run - meaning, I want to build up the endurance to be able to run for more than ten seconds.

87) I could eat pizza anytime of day or night.

88) In all of my 26 years I have never had a cavity.

89) I am currently unemployed, again.

90) This summer I learned to drive a GMC hybrid pickup truck with a 4000lbs trailer attached.

91) I enjoy working in retail but have never enjoyed the low wages that come with it.

92) I preferred Mamma Mia the stage production to Mamma Mia the movie.

93) Once I get back to England I plan to see more of the country, starting with Liverpool, Manchester and possibly Blackpool.

94) Although I am planning to move to London, if I could get a job in or around Brighton I would move there in a heartbeat - I really miss my room on the seafront.

95) I am a very stubborn person when it comes to personal goals. I rarely accept help or advice because I like to know that I achieved things on my own.

96) I love the wind.

97) I hold dual citizenship with Canada and the United States and do not intend to ever let either of them go.

98) I love helping tourists find their way around a new city. Whether it's my city or one I just happen to know well, I love helping people get better acquainted with their surroundings.

99) Once I publish this post I will finally make an effort to eat more healthily and to be more active. I need to make those changes.

100) I am always a little bit happier when I smile. Even if I've forced a smile onto my face, seeing myself smiling helps... try it.

tired

2008-08-28T00:43:00.002-04:00

I am so tired lately. Tired from lack of sleep and tired of dealing with shit. My life, for the most part, is pretty good. Nothing major to complain about, I'm healthy, my family is healthy, my friends are healthy. Nothing too complicated or difficult, yet I find I deal with a lot of shit.

I have good friends, but I also have a set of friends who I feel I am growing increasingly distant from. They are good people, but I just don't think we have the same things in common as we used to. As a result sometimes when I see these friends I get so frustrated and annoyed with their versions of a good time that I add more tension to my already super tight shoulders.

Thankfully I have a massage gift certificate (a birthday present from back in May that I've been saving for when my job ends) to use to get all this stress rubbed out of me. I'm going to use it sometime after September 4, because that is the day I'm submitting the supporting documents for my visa.

You see, you can send in your application online but you have to have fingerprints and face digitally scanned before you can send anything in... so my application is in at the moment, but they can't look at it until they have everything AND the earliest appointment I could get was 4 September. After the fourth I'll be doing a lot of waiting - hopefully patiently.

Work is tiring me, I feel like I'm dropping the ball more often than I normally do, and I don't really have the energy to get the work done in the next five days that needs doing. BUT, I will do it. I'm going to collapse one of the days, but hopefully it will be into a very big and comfy bed.

In other news, I'm looking for potential flatmates in London so if you know anyone, pass on the info this-a-way. (If you don't know anyone looking for a flatmate in London, if you know of any jobs in Brighton that would be equally wonderful!)

Thanks for reading... goodnight.

barack put a smile upon my face....

2008-08-21T11:08:00.002-04:00

A good friend of mine, Nick Christian, just sent me this little gem and completely brightened what was starting off to be a sort of stressful day off.

Cheers, Nick!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65I0HNvTDH4

Barack Obama is my Homeboy.

emigration blues

2008-08-12T23:57:00.002-04:00

So, as most of you know by know, I am in the process of getting myself out of Canada (I know, many people are baffled by this) and into England. It's something I have wanted to do for the past four years but have only recently been able to start putting my life in order to be able to do so. Until this evening the plan was to apply for my visa and move to England on or around 15 September.

Unfortunately, because of some changes to the immigration rules in the UK, rules that were not initially clear to me, I may not be able to move until the beginning of November. As it stands there is now a certain amount of money that one needs to have in their bank account when applying for a visa - this I have. What I didn't realise before and am now horrified to find out is that this amount of money needs to have been in my account for 3 months prior to applying!

Biggest problem here is that 3 months prior to today this new visa category/scheme didn't exist! This has only come into effect as of 30 June. It's insanely frustrating and upsetting because had I known that I would need to have X amount of money in my account 3 months ago, I would've got it then... sadly, I didn't realise this until the start of August... so, yes please do the math, that means November.

*sigh, tear, sigh*

I am very upset and disappointed that I didn't keep better track of the changing website - though, I'm hopeful that some wonderfully talented immigration lawyer out there will help me draft a letter explaining that the money is MINE and that it will be there when I go to the UK... I think that's the trouble, the immigration people want to ensure that applicants aren't just filling their bank accounts with money to get the visa and then give back whatever loans they got when they arrive in the UK and then risk needing financial assistance from the UK government. I understand that concern, and I appreciate that these immigration rules are so complex.

BUT I WANT TO GO, and I want to go in September... even the beginning of October would be fine. I just can't foresee myself living in Toronto for a month and a half after my job ends. Unemployment and living at my childhood home do not agree with me and I recently acknowledged the negative effect both have had on me over the past year (unemployment being an issue in the springtime)... I've also come to realise that this big move, this plan to start my life anew in England has helped me a lot in terms of feeling happier, making better decisions, etc. This new little roadblock is making it harder to do so.

November isn't that far off, but 6 extra weeks at home sounds a lot worse. At least if I have to wait until then I can get my room cleaned out in entirety... thrilling, isn't it?!

*grumble, grumble*

Shame, shame, again

2008-07-31T22:20:00.002-04:00

Wow! I have really been bad about writing here... I had all intentions of setting aside a little bit of time every few days (or at least once a week) to get my thoughts out, but it seems I've been doing more ranting and drinking to clear my head than I have been doing writing. Not great, but at least I'm not keeping things inside.

I suppose I'm just feeling a bit pressed for time. I am working a lot (which is good) and when I'm not working I'm either trying to catch up with friends, family or catch up on some much needed sleep. I've managed to churn out a few decent job applications recently (for London jobs) and received a lovely rejection letter in the post from Buckingham Palace - admittedly a job I didn't really want, but was delighted to receive the BP postmarked letter in any case.

My job in Toronto is going well and has a few lovely perks, so I can't complain. Recently I took a friend who was in town from South London on a tour of the Rogers Centre and a sightseeing bus tour all for free - both enjoyable and the weather was perfect for the open top bus! Last night I took my folks to the opening of the Rogers Chinese Lantern Festival at Ontario Place... it was really pretty. On a somewhat unrelated note, anyone want to take guesses at when Ontario Place might be called Rogers Place?

Next week I'm going to an industry night with one of the sightseeing companies - it's a big party hosted in the Distillery District with freebies, free food and drinks, entertainment and prizes. Should be a good time, and a nice chance to unwind with my team of staff. Plus, I get to wear nice clothes and go to a fancy party for free. Sort of wish I could bring a friend, but I guess some things are just for work people.

I'm sending in the application for my UK Visa next week... was going to do it on Monday but as it's a holiday I won't be able to get my fingerprints scanned so I may as well wait until Thursday when I get paid again since the earliest I can do it is Tuesday as it is. So that's that. If all goes well I'll be booking my flight next.

I was listening to a Madonna song tonight that really hit home for me - I know, cheesy, but it did. "Jump"....

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste

I haven't got much time to waste, it's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face, but I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

I'm nearly ready to jump.

zune - part two

2008-07-17T20:33:00.003-04:00

So, as I mentioned last week, I am now the proud owner of a Zune mp3 player. It's small, lightweight, and sleek looking. 8GB and just the right size for short-distance travel.

I still love my 30GB Video ipod, but the Zune is a nice change. For one, because it can only hold just over a 1/4 of what my big ipod holds, I have only put on my very favourite music. So, by default, Zune sometimes gets preference. But like I said, it's also super lightweight so that is a plus.

My only complaint at the moment is the computer Zune music player for my PC. It's not as easy to use as itunes. Maybe I'm just used to itunes and the new player will take time getting used to, but I don't think so. The music is categorized into artist/album/song and though you can create playlists, etc. it's just not as simple as itunes. BUT, it looks a hell of a lot prettier.

Zune is great, so far no real complaints, and is certainly more attractive than even the most stylish ipod. Though, I have a sneaking suspicion that apple fans would disagree becase it doesn't have the rounded corners and shiny surface that apple is so fond of.

To sum up: Zune and I are getting along just fine. More later.

friendship

2008-07-12T11:03:00.002-04:00

This is taken from a rare bit of spam email that my mother sent me. I usually hate forwards more than anything else, but this one was really nice.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it fe lt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

I've been realising a lot of these things lately, and it's made me really thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I will get back to the postings about my friends soon enough, but for now... if you are a friend of mine and you are reading this: I love you.

zune

2008-07-09T01:35:00.003-04:00

my zune has arrived.
it is lovely.
even the packaging is lovely.

you don't know what a zune is, do you?
oooooh, i am going to have fun telling you all about him as i learn how he works.

(note: zune is an mp3 player extraordinaire that microsoft has recently introduced to the ipod-infatuated market. now, to be honest, i own two ipods currently and don't have too many complaints about them but i must admit this new little zune of mine was instantly more impressive than his apple counterparts.)

more zune - i mean SOON.

Barack Obama is my Homeboy

2008-07-06T23:55:00.003-04:00

When I was in New York I saw a t-shirt that said, "Barack Obama is my Homeboy" and wanted it immediately. I didn't buy it and regretted it in the days that followed. When I got back to Toronto I ordered a tank top version of the shirt online and anxiously awaited my Obama swag. It arrived nearly a month later and I wore it out in public for the first time today. Now, being a US citizen that has never lived in the US (I have dual citizenship with the US and Canada) I cannot vote as I am not registered in a State because I have never had a US postal address with which to register. That being said, as a resident of Canada and a citizen of the Great White North as well as a citizen of the world, I have been greatly interested in the elections in the US since 2000.

2000 marked a turning point for all of us, which I do not need to expand on here, but it was also the year I turned 18 and was given the right to vote in my own country. I hope that no one takes this the wrong way, but the political structure of the United States matters a hell of a lot more to me than that of Canada. Yes, I live and work in Canada and have a lot of rights and privileges here that I don't want to see taken away by some rogue government party, but in general things in Canada don't seem to change as drastically and therefore I am not as worried around election time in Canada as I am during the election times of other nations. I tend to vote Liberal and hope for the best, but admittedly when Stephen Harper was elected Prime Minister a few years back I cringed and moaned about it, yet in the larger picture I don't feel that Canada has changed all that much since then. (I should mention that my interest in politics is fairly superficial: I merely follow what's going on when it comes time for me to make some decisions to ensure that the country I live in doesn't fall to pieces. Take me or leave me, that's how I roll.)

The reason that I care so much about American politics (again, not for any deep interest in the system of government, but more to see what changes are being made/not being made south of the border) is because what happens in the US matters outside of the US much more than internal issues do for many other countries around the world (including Canada). When America decides to get involved or stay out of certain issues elsewhere, it matters. A lot of people hate the fact that America has extended its reach to so many corners of the world, but the fact remains that America has a visible presence in so many countries and therefore the decisions they make at home DO affect the rest of us.

I realise at this point my thoughts aren't that clear and the point of this whole entry - to explain why I wanted the Obama t-shirt in the first place - seems a bit lost in my pool of ranting. So excuse the lack of continuity here as I move on to my point.

My point is that Barack Obama has some good ideas. Some really good ideas. And though everyone says he is inexperienced and naive (both of which I tend to agree with on some level), he has the ideas and the vision that America needs. When I say "America" I mean the America that attracted so many people to this side of the world so many years ago. The "American Dream" was a wonderful thing and it's seemingly gotten lost somewhere over the last half century or so. It is still a land of opportunity but a lot of those opportunities are being missed for various reasons... again, I don't have that much political know-how to back up everything I am saying here, I'm just getting my thoughts out. And who am I? Well, I suppose we've established that I'm not much of a political advocated. I'd say I'm much more of an optimistic dreamer with high hopes.

Hoping so intensely that Americans will make the choice this November to elect my homeboy, Barack Obama, president. He wants to bring America back to what it once was: a country that people could be proud to call home.

I can't tell you how sad it has made me to travel with some of my American friends in Europe only to have them joke about pretending to be Canadian because "everyone hates Americans." I love Americans. And I'm not just saying this because I am half American or because half of my family and many of my good friends are American. I love them because, in general, Americans are some of the kindest people you could ever hope to meet. (I won't go on here about why I love Americans, because it will certainly derail this already diverted train of thought, but look for a future entry about it.)

So, to sum up: Barack Obama is my Homeboy and I hope that those of you who are not already in Camp Ombama with me will get on the bus before the summer's through - the days are bright and warm here and each and every sunset is so stunning that you go to sleep actually looking forward to tomorrow.

Why are we so busy?!

2008-06-29T12:57:00.002-04:00

It has occurred to me recently that young people in Toronto, and perhaps in any large North American metropolis, take life too seriously and spend too much time worrying over the things that really aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things and fail to pay attention to the things that really matter, like friends.

This week myself and three good friends have been trying to arrange an evening or afternoon for us all to get together before one of my very bestest friends in the entire universe goes away for a month... her vacation (though I'm excited for her) has me feeling less than excited for the next 31 days during which I don't know what I will do to keep myself entertained. But that's another point, for another entry.

Today I am just fed up with the fact that we can't even coordinate our not-so-busy schedules enough to arrange a meeting. This wouldn't frustrate me so much except that it has happened a number of times recently with other friends. Friends who, while I was unemployed, were unable to find ONE HOUR to meet me for coffee. Friends who say they want to see me and that we have to catch up, and while I was unemployed had all the time in the world for them and just waited for a place and time to meet them. Friends who call me after not having done so for ages and have the audacity to ask "where have you been?" WHERE HAVE I BEEN? I've been waiting around for you to tell me when you're free to see me for an hour.

I'm not angry, I'm just a bit disappointed that supposed friends can't make time for each other. I'm realising as I get older how important friends are. I look at my parents and see how happy they are when they are with friends, and I want to know that I will always have my friends. That no matter what happens in our lives we will always find a way to make time for each other - it really shouldn't be that hard!

Now that I have a job, a job that requires me to work some evenings and weekends, it seems that all of my friends are suddenly available and dying to see me. So, as a result of my job (which is still in its early, unpredictable stages) I look like the one who doesn't have time, who can't move things around to make time, who is a bad friend unwilling to commit to a plan with friends because work comes first. Well, work doesn't come first for me but at this point in time, yes there are some days that I can't get together because I have a job and therefore have to work... imagine that.

It shouldn't be this hard for four friends to get together at some point during a week. It really shouldn't be, but sadly it is.

Dreams

2008-06-27T08:26:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had a dream feel so real that when you wake up you feel as amazing as you would have if the thing that happened in the dream actually happened to you in real life? Sure, a lot of people have.
Have you ever had a dream about someone you haven't seen or spoken to in ages only to wake up the next day and find a note from them, get a phone call, or hear some news about that person? Sure, a lot of people have.
Both of these things have been happening to me recently, the former having happened last night and I still can't seem to shake the smile off of my face. The dream was a little something like this...

For some reason, I was on the Toronto Islands with my family. As I was getting bored of 'quality time' with my relatives I went for a little walk on my own to the marina restaurant (which in my dream looked more like the restaurant in Dawson's Creek than the actual Toronto Islands Marina). As I got there I noticed a familiar face... well to be honest, I noticed him from behind at first and wasn't sure I know who it was, but then I caught a glimpse of his profile and saw the unmistakable smile of the 'love of my grade eight life'. We chatted for a moment or two before going for a walk. Then the dream got a bit weird as I suddenly realised I'd left my new sandals and favourite cardigan in a restroom somewhere.
We were suddenly somewhere else with underground paths connecting a series of department and grocery stores. I kept leaving him outside (above ground) to head inside to check to see if this was the restroom I had left my precious items in. This nonsense went on for about two hours, and in between checking places we chatted and walked slowly - it hadn't even occurred to me how boring this must've been for him, but finally I decided to stop looking for my things and just spend time with him. We were standing someplace near a sink with a big mirrored wall behind it. We got to talking about how nice the few hours spent together had been and then that look, the look that says 'I really want to kiss you' was on both of our faces. We looked at each other in the mirror, both smiling, me blushing a little... and then we started to lean in towards each other, slowly. Finally the kiss I'd wanted since I was thirteen years old happened. Soft, simple, perfect. And much like real life and less like the perfection of a dream, as our lips met my relatives re-appeared calling me back to join them.

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat giddy. Thing is, I don't have those feelings for him anymore but I suppose because we've never been together, because I've always wondered what it would've been like had we gotten together at some point over the last twelve years, he's never too far from my mind - even if it is on a subconscious level. And even though I'm nearly positive he has a girlfriend, and even though I'm not looking for a relationship now, I will keep the promise I made to him a week or so ago to call him before this week is out to go out for a friendly meal or drinks. There's something really special about old friends - even though we haven't spent much time together over the last five years, we never have any trouble reconnecting.

Off to work to do a few hours of reversing the trailer. Wish me luck!

Shame on me

2008-06-26T16:03:00.004-04:00

I've been busy with my new job the last week so I have been neglecting my poor little blog. My sincere apologies to those of you who might've been craving some news.

Truth is, not much to report. Work is going well. My team of staff are all getting along really well. I'm learning to drive a truck with attached trailer and as they say, "Practise makes perfect" so I'm not quite there yet. Driving = OK. Reversing = difficult. Tomorrow is a day of practise for me and the other new driver.

I've been to the gym twice this week since admitting to myself that the reason I am often too tired or feeling too lazy to go to the gym at all is because I am out of shape. SO, in order to feel better in general, to start to look more like my old self, I am forcing myself to the gym even on the nights when "I'm too tired to go to the gym." Right now, I am too tired to go, but I WILL go later tonight.

Blah blah blah.

I went to the movies last night and saw The Incredible Hulk and Get Smart. Both enjoyable but I did prefer the latter... although, the fact that my adolescent crush on The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson has seemingly resurfaced might be part of the reason for enjoying the movie so much. I watched Once the other night and LOVED it. I went out the following day and picked up the soundtrack. It's a lovely, lovely movie. And as I say that I'm not sure everyone would agree with me, but I LOVED it. So, my recommendation is this: If you like music, if you are inspired by the songwriting process, if you like passionate people, and if you have ever met someone and spent a brief but wonderful period of time with them you should watch this film.

That's all for today.

Toronto Police looking for help

2008-06-19T23:55:00.002-04:00

Toronto Police have put this video on youtube.com in hopes that someone will provide information that will lead to Dylan Ellis' and Oliver Martin's killer.

Click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SEnk0GYHco to view the video.

Toronto's great tragedy

2008-06-19T23:06:00.004-04:00

This city has been my home for more days, months and years than anyplace else. I spent my childhood in the backyards of North Toronto, my adolescence roaming around the Chum City building and the Eaton Centre, and since I started university I have spent much of my free time in and around Little Italy, the Entertainment District, Queen West and The Annex (to mention a few areas). Never in my life have I felt unsafe in my hometown. Sure, there have been incidents that have taken place in this city that have frightened me, shaken me up, but usually in places I rarely go to people I do not associate with at all. There are some areas of the city, Jane and Finch for example, that we tend to associate with gangs and gun violence and therefore aren't usually all that surprised to hear of another incident in that general area. However scary things have been up to this point in my life in other parts of the city I have never really felt at risk, never felt that I could find myself in harm's way or that I might lose a loved one to the sort of senseless violence that is sadly featuring on local news reports more frequently these days. This all changed for me, and I am sure for many others like myself, last week when Dylan Ellis and Oliver Martin were shot and killed outside of their friend's condominium on Richmond Street.

These two young men, both 25, came from a very good neighbourhood, weren't involved in anything that might get them into this kind of trouble, and yet they were both laid to rest this week. They had everything going for them and being in the wrong place at the wrong time tragically cut their lives short. But that's where things are really sad and scary. They were merely outside their friend's place waiting for him to come down to their car, they weren't doing anything wrong and there wasn't anything going on around them (that we know of) that would lead to such a horrible thing taking place. Evidently, the man who shot them rode away from the scene on a bicycle - what I want to know is why on earth does someone feel the need to carry a gun with them on a bicycle? Nothing about this makes sense, these boys died for absolutely no reason, and a week later the police don't seem to be any closer to having any idea who did this!

I am so angry and sad and terrified all at the same time. Friends that I have spoken to feel the same, and I think for the first time in recent years - while gun violence has been on the rise in Toronto - these deaths have hit home and there is nothing that can change the fear and anger that I feel in a place where I once felt nothing of the sort. These boys grew up in similar (albeit more affluent) surroundings to me. We went to school together (Dylan when I was 12, and Oliver in high school) and there is no doubt in my mind that their families and friends, just like my own, would never have expected something like this to happen to people like them. I know it sounds somewhat inappropriate to say things like, "This only happens at Jane and Finch", "These were rich white boys, this should never have happened" but the fact is this act of senseless violence was just so unbelievable! They were not a part of a community that is generally known for gun violence, fighting, etc. I admittedly don't know enough about the demographics of Toronto to make a valid and intellectual argument here, but I think it is fair to say that this should not have happened at all and the fact that it did happen, the fact that these two amazing boys are dead, the fact that the person responsible is still somewhere out there, not to mention the way that it happened, has shocked this entire city.

I have shed more than a few tears for Dylan and Oliver, but also for the loss of any sort of sense of safety that I had felt in my hometown. No, I won't stay home for fear of being caught in some sort of violent situation, but I am certainly much more conscious of where I am walking, who is around, and what sorts of body language I am conveying as I walk around the city.

These two deaths have really marked a turning point for this city. What kind of place has Toronto become when two people are shot dead in their parents' car outside of a friend's condo? What kind of world are we living in where people ride around on bicycles carrying guns? What are we supposed to feel and think about being out at night in a city with increasing incidents of gun violence. I wasn't so sure that the mayor's new gun control bills would pass when he first mentioned them, but I hope that this terrible event might convince some more of the city's residents of the need to make some changes.

****

My thoughts and prayers are with the Ellis and Martin families, and to those whose lives were touched by these young men. Though I didn't know either of them as adults I have very fond memories of Dylan as a 12 year old and have many friends who speak very highly of Oliver during our high school years. May they both rest in peace.

NYC, again

2008-06-17T23:04:00.003-04:00

Now, where was I? Ahh yes, Sunday.

NYC day 3:
We got up earlyish and headed up Madison Avenue to 51st Street and then walked over towards Fifth Avenue. The roads leading to Fifth were all closed off because Sunday was the Annual Puerto Rican Day Parade (that runs from 44th - 86th Streets along Fifth Avenue). There was an expected attendance figure of 2 million people at this one event and I think by the time we finally found a place to stand (in the shade across the street from Versace) I'm pretty sure we were surrounded by at least half a million people displaying their proud Puerto Rican heritage... if we didn't stand out as major tourists before the parade, we certainly achieved this due to our lack of a flag, whistle or any comprehension of what was being hollered from the passing parade floats. It was a really fun experience but the intense heat, intensified by the massive crowds, turned us away by noon.

We headed west towards Broadway and grabbed a much needed drink at one of the city's many Au Pain locations and then took a very slow walk in the heat down to Macy's and then to a few more shops in the area where we searched for new sandals for my dad. He'd gotten a blister walking around on Saturday in his too-tight running shoes, so the sandal expedition, though took up a few hours of a painfully hot afternoon, was well worth it.

We had a bite to eat at the Tick Tock Diner just up the street from Madison Square Garden and after sufficiently photographing the exterior of MSG we walked back to the hotel to rest our feet and shower. That was the plan, but we all had a bit of heat exhaustion I think so rather than get sick and risk having a lousy time at Yankee Stadium the following day, we relaxed most of the evening in the hotel and grabbed a quick sandwich from a shop nearby before calling it a day.

NYC day 4:
This entire trip came to be out of my love for baseball and my desire to see a game at the original Yankee Stadium. "The Cathedral" as it is lovingly called by many Yankee and let's be honest baseball fans alike, is going to be torn down at the end of this season. The new stadium (across the street from the current one) is currently under construction and looks like it will be a really nice stadium, but let's face it: there's nothing like an old baseball stadium for watching games. I've only ever seen major league games in Toronto at Exhibition Stadium and the Skydome (aka Rogers Centre) and can honestly say that the 50,000+ seat stadiums really separate you from the action a little too much. Standing in right field during batting practise at Yankee Stadium we were nearly hit by numerous balls and could almost reach down and touch the players on the field (okay, so maybe I couldn't actually reach them that easily, but if my arms were ten feet longer I could have). The game itself wasn't fantastic (vs. Kansas City Royals) but for the first time ever I was truly proud to be wearing my Alex Rodriguez t-shirt, because he hit a 2-run home run to tie the game up early on but the Royals had more luck in the 7th inning and went on to win, despite a valiant effort by the Yankees in the 9th. Our seats were between home plate and first base very, very high up. Thankfully that area of the stadium was shaded because it was HOT, again, that day!

The loudest applause of the game (aside from A-Rod's home run) came when a huge cloud moved over the stadium, blocking the sun and providing relief to the rest of the fans who weren't as fortunate as us to be sheltered during the game. You know it's hot when a cloud brings that much joy. After the game we walked around the stadium for a little while, waiting for the subway crowds to die down a little, and then jumped on the train and headed back to Manhattan.

Just before getting on the subway I dropped my sunglasses and was disappointed as I watched the left arm snap clean off as they hit the ground. I spent the rest of the afternoon squinting but was pleased when I managed to pick up some New York souvenir t-shirts and postcards for friends at very reasonable prices. Only in New York can you walk away with 8 t-shirts for $10.99 and 30 postcards for 99 cents. Well, maybe other places offer similar deals, but as I said before, there's just no place quite like New York City.

I should also mention that Monday was also my dad's birthday so after the game, after showers, and after a bit of down time at the hotel, we headed back to Times Square area for our final meal in the Big Apple. We ended up at Charlie O's on Broadway and enjoyed a nice meal followed by NY Style Cheesecake - traditional, delicious, a perfect end to a very enjoyable trip.

(The drive home on Tuesday was good. We spent over two hours at an outlet mall in Pennsylvania - no, not Grove City - and missed some torrential rain as a result of our shopping expeditions. We got back home just after 11pm, exhausted but in one piece and still a happy family.)

NYC p.s.

2008-06-16T15:18:00.002-04:00

I will eventually get to tell you about the Sunday and Monday in NYC, but forgot to mention the amazing celebrity sighting! No trip to New York is complete without at least one celebrity sighting.

After our dinner at Florent (which is sadly closing in just under one month) we were walking around Greenwich village and after nearly running into a woman bent over to adjust her shoes, I noticed a very familiar looking man. In his late 60's, long greasy hair, sweaty (like the rest of us) but in a nice shirt and trousers. I turn to my brother:

"Hey Scott, that guy looks like Harvey Keitel."
He takes a look over his shoulder at the man and then responds, quite excitedly I might add:
"That's because it IS Harvey Keitel!"

The man will be 70 years old next May and to be honest, looks almost the same as he did in Pulp Fiction 14 years ago... wow, does anyone else have trouble believing that film came out THAT long ago!

More NYC news and other news soon.

Four days and nights in the Big Apple

2008-06-11T15:49:00.002-04:00

New York City is a place unlike any other. I've been to the Big Apple six times now, and even having spent the majority of each trip exploring Manhattan (truth be told I've only ventured to two other boroughs, each for a particular event and thus a short visit) there is still so much I haven't seen, and so many photographs I haven't taken.
This trip I vowed to spend as little time as possible at Times Square, but something about the blinding lights of that part of town at midnight draws me in time and time again. Thankfully our hotel this time was located at 30 East 30th Street (aptly named, Hotel Thirty Thirty) between Park and Madison Avenues so we were able to avoid the constant tourist circus that is Broadway between 42nd and 52nd Streets. That being said, I do love being a tourist and I love meeting other tourists, but it's the sheer number and volume of people around Times Square that turns me off.

NYC day 1:
Spent mostly in the van driving down, we arrived in Manhattan just before 5pm and perfectly on time for the start of Friday's rush hour. We creeped along 34th Street from the Lincoln Tunnel, down Fifth and to our hotel on 30th. After getting checked in and more or less settled we took a walk up Fifth Avenue past the library, the unaffordable shops, the park, the MET and up to the Guggenheim where we were disappointed to discover it was, in fact, still under renovation and thus covered with scaffolding and tarps. Such is life. We then jumped in a cab down to Rockefeller Center and continued our walk on to Times Square where we enjoyed a meal at one of the tackiest yet enjoyable restaurants I've ever been to: Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company... yes, like the one in Forrest Gump. After our late night dinner (and some movie trivia) we walked back to our hotel for the night.

NYC day 2:
After a bit of a lie in we got ourselves out of the hotel and headed down to Madison Square Park for the Big Apple BBQ Block Party . Though we didn't line up for any of the meat on offer ($8 for a very large portion of barbecue fare) we enjoyed the free samples of Snapple, Coke Zero and ice cream being given out throughout the park. Did I mention it was 95'F on Saturday? And that was the actual temperature without any humidity added on top for one of those "feels like" temperatures. Needless to say anything cool to drink was a very warm welcome.
After the BBQ we headed to Union Square Greenmarket which is held every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday all year long. We browsed the delicious smelling stalls and though the only thing we walked away with was a jar of honey for one of my father's co-workers (apparently this guy and his family are HUGE honey fans), it was a really nice spot in New York. It was also at this market that I spotted the "Barack Obama is my Homeboy" t-shirt which I decided not to purchase at the time but have just ordered a tank top version of it online.
After the market we headed to Greenwich Village where I insisted on taking photos of the house used as Carrie Bradshaw's front stoop in Sex and the City and the apartment building used as the exterior of the apartment where Joey, Chandler, Monica and Rachel live in Friends. What can I say, I am a TV geek. We checked out Bleecker Street where there were more stalls set up with clothes, jewelery, sunglasses and food, and then continued to a nice jazz bar nearby for lunch (of course, the name escapes me now). After lunch it was on to SOHO for some window shopping (aka running into any store with air conditioning to cool down for a few moments), a quick drink at a diner, and back to the hotel for showers and a bit of relaxing before heading out again.
I wanted to check out the historic meat packing district and a restaurant I'd read about online (and one that is linked to SATC... told you, I'm a geek) called Florent. We walked from our hotel to Gansevoort street while lightning lit up the sky overhead... fortunately/unfortunately no rain fell while we were outside. The restaurant was full of New Yorkers and packed at 10:30pm. It was a great spot, with great food and company, but sadly is closing soon because they have lost their lease. We jumped in a cab back to the hotel shortly after dinner and prepared for another scorching hot day on Sunday.

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More later.

New York City bound

2008-06-06T01:45:00.002-04:00

In a few hours I'll be leaving for NYC where I plan to spend three and a half glorious days in the sun... I'm willing the sun to come out and the rain to stay away on account of my chosen footwear.

I will be back in Toronto on Tuesday with photos and stories to share so until then, happy reading/writing/living.

x

Another thing happened on the way to the movies...

2008-06-03T00:57:00.003-04:00

On Friday, in addition to my Sex and the City adventures with Rob, I was offered a job. That's right, a real paying full-time job! It's doing some coordinator work in tourism, and I must say I am quite pleased with myself. I will be making money again (and more than I was hoping for - yippee!) and will not have to/be able to spend all of my time online. Sadly, this means that my friends across the Atlantic won't have me to chat with during their early evenings, nor will my facebook friends be invited to place numerous games of Scrabulous in one day.

Fantastically, this means I can move to England at the end of September (did I mention the job is only a summer contract - super, fabulous!) and I will have enough cash to feel comfortable and confident about the big move.
So ladies and gentlemen, join me if you will in doing a little happy dance and by all means start your countdowns: less than 120* days left in Toronto.
(*Exact figure to be confirmed upon successfully obtaining a visa and plane ticket.)

And in other, also exciting, news: I leave for NYC on Friday! Very, very good. Lots of plans with dear friends this week and then packing followed by 9+ hours in the car... and then I get to play tourist again.

Sex and the City

2008-05-31T13:05:00.004-04:00

*Warning: Spoilers included*
---

The long anticipated movie is finally upon us and a few sayings come to mind: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it", "Better leave good enough alone", and to steal one from the perfection that was Sex and the City's HBO series "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda". Meaning, they could've really done something fantastic with this film, they would've impressed the pants off of everyone if they had tried a little harder to stay true to the show, and they should've really knocked this one out of the park. Instead, I was left feeling completely unsatisfied. Okay, not COMPLETELY, but mostly.

First and foremost, Carrie was never meant to get married. Big got it right when he told her she "wasn't the marrying kind". When even the show's writers claimed she'd never get married I was a bit disappointed to see that she tied the knot in the film. I was impressed that they called the big wedding (pun intended) off early on in the film, but admittedly disappointed (after my initial romantic sigh of relief) that they ended up as Mr. and Mrs. Preston in the end.

Secondly, if they are going to include secondary characters in the film as in the show - ie. Stanford, Smith, Harry, Steve and even Anthony - they should give them the attention and screen time they deserve. I realise that some of these men weren't a huge part of the story but why even include them in the film if they aren't going to add to the story! I mean, I LOVE Stanford, but he had no place in the movie other than to be there "FOR THE FANS" as they keep saying.

Thirdly, if this film really was "for the fans" then why, as a fan of the show, do I feel so let down? There was a rumour that someone died in the film, and even though I wasn't really ready to see one of the girls go, it would've been so much more final if someone had. I don't mean to sound morbid or depressing, but something tragic needed to happen in this film. There was very little cynicism, bitterness, or real sadness. Yes, there was heartache, but that is not the only sadness that we feel in life and certainly not the only sadness we want to see on screen.

What did I like about this film? What did I really, really, like? I liked that Miranda eventually forgave Steve, but would've liked if she had never left him in the first place. A few strategically placed fights between the two of them would've added some well needed power to the film. I liked that Samantha left Smith but would've liked to have seen her leave him earlier on in the film so that we could see the old Samantha (pun intended, again) in her element again. I liked that Charlotte got pregnant and had her own baby, but really, really would have liked to have seen her giving birth. That was such a huge thing when Miranda had her baby and I think it should've been equally if not more huge for Charlotte in this film.

Charlotte was mostly flawless in this film and was given all of the important roles. She was the one who consoled Carrie on the street after Carrie reamed out Big for not showing up at the wedding, she was the one who got to yell at Big twice over the issue, and she was the only one who really stayed true to the character we all loved on the series. Yes there were moments of the other girls being their true selves, but the brutal Samantha comments were few and far between, Miranda was too emotional rather than cynical (and mentioned having a 'family' and 'real job' too often), and Carrie was too sad. I don't even think Sarah Jessica Parker shook her head in the obnoxiously 'Carrie' way when speaking about sad things. (To see what I'm referring to, watch the episode where she begs Aidan to forgive her for cheating on him - The line "You have to forgive me" is accompanied by annoying shaking of her head back and forth as if secretly willing him to say 'no').

I will probably re-read this little review of mine later today and have more to say or things to change, but as it stands this is my piece.
I enjoyed the film because it was new SATC stuff for me to watch after so many years of re-watching the DVDs of the series, but I was not satisfied.

But then again, how often as were left feeling completely satisfied these days anyway?

friends - the seventh

2008-05-26T21:38:00.005-04:00

And back to my lovely friends, with a few words about a wonderful man who has only been a part of my life for just under two years, but who has made more of an impact than others who have been around five times as long.

He is kind, caring, sarcastic, honest, sometimes bitter, sometimes a bit twisted, sometimes plain old crazy - but hey, sometimes I am all of these things as well so I suppose it's fitting that in this photo I can see my own reflection in his "eyes". He is romantic, incredibly charming and sincere and can always, always make me laugh even when no one else can.

We've helped each other through some not-so-easy times and perhaps as a result have found a comfort level with each other that I don't have with many people. No one else makes me feel quite as special as he does, with phone calls/emails/texts, etc., and I am counting down the days until I can sit down with him for a nice cold pint of Stella while we piss away our money on pub games.

Indy, Indy

2008-05-24T01:53:00.003-04:00

Finally after all of the anticipation, build-up and excitement of the fourth Indiana Jones movie it turned out to be mediocre at most. It's not the worst of the series (I'm currently watching The Temple of Doom, and Oh God, is this movie terrible!) but it certainly was no Raiders or The Last Crusade. I think that it was consistent with the other films in terms of cheesy plot lines and ridiculous stunts, but I think because it's 2008 and we've seen so many good action flicks this one just seems like an old movie with better special effects. Which, unfortunately, has spoiled The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for me. I don't need to see animated gofers and bugs and monkeys. I much rather sand storms, cart races and Sean Connery.

But, I enjoyed the film, and especially enjoyed seeing it a day early for free at one of the Toronto screenings (thank you, Scott).

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In other news, there is not much other news to share. I've been lazy with my blog this last week, but I will update soon with stories of meeting baseball players, making serious changes in my life, and the next steps on the road to London.

Happy Birthady to me!

2008-05-15T19:08:00.002-04:00

This year's celebrations kicked off last night with a delicious steak dinner with my friend David (who celebrated his birthday on Tuesday) followed by gift exchange at his mum's house. A very enjoyable evening, indeed.

This morning I woke up to over thirty messages from my wonderful friends all around the world. So much love - thank you everyone!

I spent today with my brother and got 2 dozen bagels for free (most WHAT A BAGEL locations do this on your birthday FYI), went to play indoor glow-in-the-dark mini golf, had a pizza lunch and a strawberry ice cream sundae (thank you mcdonalds) for dessert!

I came home to more wonderful messages from friends as well as an overseas parcel with treats from Annie and Allison - thanks, ladies!

Tonight I'm going to dinner with my parents and brother at Grazie (one of my favourite local Italian spots) and coming home to cake, cake and more cake! I didn't have any birthday cake last year (or my family around to celebrate with) so I'm doing this right this year.

Tomorrow the birthday fun continues, but more on that later...

Happy Birthday, to me!

Getting older...

2008-05-13T22:15:00.002-04:00

My 26th birthday is in two days and I am finally excited for it. I haven't sorted out plans for the day/night of my birthday but tomorrow night I'll be celebrating with Dave (who is celebrating his 25th birthday today!) and then on Friday with a group of friends downtown. So far it's looking like it will be a wonderful night!

In other news... well, not much other news to be honest. I have sent off my resume to a bunch of random places recently and haven't had much luck. Well, that's not true: I haven't had any luck. I'm still optimistic that things are going to turn around very soon, and I'm finally picking up some of the slack that's been holding me down over the last two months. I'm working on my resume and cover letters and researching a few options for the next few months. Next week, I'm putting on a nice outfit and hitting the town to sell myself to the highest bidder... so to speak.

I've gotten another haircut and am very happy with it. I've been window shopping and have tried on a few really cute outfits lately and am liking the way things are fitting/looking these days. Who knew that forcing myself to go to the gym actually would have an effect! (Yes, I knew it would, better keep at it!)

So things are looking good. Despite the fact that I'm nowhere near where I had hoped I would be by the middle of May (financially and otherwise), I am feeling very good about the road ahead. The plan is still London by the end of September and though I've pretty much resolved to stay in Toronto until then, I would move there beforehand if offered a job. So here we go.

-----

Also, I've been reading Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby and really enjoying it. Next on my book list is either Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, or Barack Obama's The Audacity of Hope but I have yet to decide which genre I want to delve into next.

Blush

2008-05-08T15:59:00.002-04:00

The last few weeks have been a bit disappointing for me in terms of success with job searching, fitness goals, and the seemingly unending task of ridding my bedroom of all of the crap I've saved since I was eight years old. But in the middle of a mild mental "breakdown" I received a very unexpected string on compliments from a boy I never expected to hear them from. Similar to the post before the last one in which I mentioned the kind words from a friend in between all the nagging I was getting, these kind words from the same friend came at the perfect moment.

When describing how he felt about me his first words:
"I'm captivated by you." *blush* And then:
"It's taken you moving half way around the world for me to realise just how lovely and special you really are."
My response: "Wow"

Now if all the men in my life were this sweet I would be a very happy girl. But then again if they were all this sweet and made me blush this much all the time, I wouldn't appreciate these huge compliments so much.

Thank you again, my friend. You've truly made this otherwise miserable girl re-think her recent bitterness.

friends - the sixth

2008-05-04T18:09:00.005-04:00

This is my very oldest friend, I have known her for twenty-five years. We became friends because our parents had the same good sense to buy homes on our block, but we've stayed friends over the years for so many more, important, reasons.

She is kind, considerate, sweet and honest. She is the kind of friend who can see through all of my ranting to get to the bottom of what I'm really trying to say, and isn't afraid to ask "is this what you really mean?"

We've shared a lot of happy memories over the years, and have seen each other through some hard times. Whether we've got an ocean or just two neighbours' houses in between us, growing up together has linked us for life. She and her older sister are my honorary sisters and I theirs, and I know she will always be there no matter what.

A friendly reminder

2008-05-01T17:48:00.002-04:00

Amidst a lot of crap being shouted at me from a bunch of different directions, I heard one friend say, "Do what makes you happy my love". And that was all I needed to hear to silence the rest of the voices.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

May

2008-05-01T00:25:00.002-04:00

May is, and always has been, my favourite month of the year. Not JUST because my birthday is smack dab in the middle of the month, but also because it's one of the nicest months of the year. Weatherwise it comes after the usually dreary and wet April and before the sometimes hot and prematurely humid June. (Note: This is based on Toronto weather.)

May is also the first month of green grass, blossoms on the trees and almost gauranteed to have no snow. (I better watch what I say, or we might end up with some of the white stuff - cheers, Global Warming, for the messed up weather.)

So HAPPY MAY to all of you. I hope that the start of this month puts a smile on all of your faces as big and bright as the one that's plastered across mine. I have a good feeling about my favourite month... and I'll keep y'all posted on how that feeling pans out.

a wee little survey

2008-04-26T20:52:00.002-04:00

Are you tan?
I am quite fair, and recently got a tiny bit of sun on my forearms, so I've been showing off my version of a 'tan'.

Do you have unlimited texting?
No... I think everyone would hate me if I did.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
MY BIRTHDAY!!! And to being offered the job of my dreams!

Are you easily confused?
I don't understand the question. : )

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
Yes, I really do.

Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly?
Yes.

What color are your socks?
Black with blue and lighter blue stripes.

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yes, I'm sure someone has.

Do you fall for people easily?
I stumble easily, but it takes someone pretty amazing to make me fall.

Do you think everything happens for a reason?
Yes, I do. (Thinking this way helps me to be more optimistic and hopeful).

Who have you texted in the last 48 hrs?
Kev, Chris, Kate

What are you listening to right now?
The soundtrack of my neighbourhood through my open windows.

Do you live with both your parents?
Yes, for now...

What is it you truly want right now?
To be offered my top choice for jobs in London with a start date AFTER my NYC trip.

Are you wearing jeans right now?
No.

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
Brighton beach.

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
Three.

Do you think too much or too little?
Too much... though I'm trying to control it to 'only as much as necessary'.

Do you dance in the car?
Ha! Yes, I do actually.

Do you smile a lot?
Yes.

Do you prefer call or text?
Call.

Do you have any siblings?
Yes, one older brother.

Who is in your house right now?
Mum, Dad and Uncle Stanley.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Roots.

What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

When was the last time you got flowers and why?
In September when I got home from England there were flowers in the house for me... for coming home and finishing my degree I suppose.

Do you wish at 11:11?
Sometimes.

Can you play any instruments?
Guitar and recorder.

Do you have a tattoo?
I have 2.

Are you hiding something from someone?
I'm hiding my unpainted toenails from the world.

Are there things you can't live without?
Things? Yes, sadly, a telephone.

Have you memorized your social security number?
Yes... but in Canada we call it Social INSURANCE number.

What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
Oh jesus, 4 hours or so.

What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
A heavy duvet.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Probably.

Where were you at 9pm Thursday night?
At McSoreley's Wonderful Saloon.

What happened at 10:00 am today?
I was eating Honey Nut Cheerios.

Do you laugh at all the wrong times?
Not ALL of the wrong times.

When did you last smile?
A few minutes ago when I thought back to all of the times I've been given flowers.

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
Dad.

What was the last thing someone said to you in person?
"Renee, I'm bringing the chicken in"

What's your favorite number?
I like the number 9... number 9... number 9.

What was the last movie you watched?
I watched half of Good Will Hunting last week.

Do you have a Facebook?
Yes.

What are your initials?
RPE

Are you a good speller?
Mostly, though I mix up simple words like "occasion" and "medicine".

When is the last time you took a nap?
Erm, Wednesday I think it was.

Have you ever been on a roller coaster?
Loads.

What are you disappointed at right now?
The state of chaos that my bedroom is in.

Could you date someone taller then you
Yes please.

When was the last time something bothered you?
I'm bothered by a lot of little things all of the time, so I'd say sometime today someone did something that irritated me.

Have you learned any lessons today? If so, what?
Torontonians are a grumpy bunch when a public transit strike forces them to walk.

What is your current mood?
A little bit sleepy, but content.

Who would be the first to know if you got a girl pregnant/got pregnant?
Umm, the baby daddy hopefully.

Are you happy right now?
Yes.

Where is your phone?
Charging.

What are you doing tonight?
Having dinner and relaxing.

friends - the fifth

2008-04-22T23:59:00.003-04:00

A much newer friend than most of the others, yet he is closer to me than some of the friends I've known for years and years. It only took knowing him for three months to know that he was someone worth keeping around. And now, a year and a half later, I can say that there is no one in my life who could ever fill his shoes.

He's incredibly intelligent AND incredibly book smart (surprisingly, a rather rare combination), and has a wonderful sense of humour. He is somewhat of a cultural guru for me and knows a thing or two about seemingly anything worth knowing about. He infuriates me in a way that no one else can, but in doing so inspires and influences me in a way that I can't explain... I think it has something to do with the fact that he takes the piss out of me every chance he gets, and yet manages to crack a smile whenever I step up and give him some of his own medicine.

He is one of the most important people in my life and I cannot see my future without him in it. He is a wonderful, wonderful friend who has (probably unknowingly) helped me to realise a lot of my goals and I hope that he will be around to see me reach them (and to help me reach some of the harder ones).

**I know what some of you are probably thinking: the first boy in my friends' tribute comes in at number five? Well, as I am pretty sure I mentioned when I started all of this, there is no significance to the order in which I give these friends their kudos. BUT, if there was, and if number one actually reflected my "best" friend, I promise you this guy would be a lot higher up than number five.**

It's been awhile...

2008-04-19T01:37:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile since I wrote about how much I miss Brighton, so I'm taking a moment to think about 20 of the wonderful things that I had there and do not have here. I'm not moaning about it this time, just feeling nostalgic and really fortunate to have had such an amazing time there. So here goes:

20 Things I really miss about Brighton. (in no particular order)

1) Tuaca aka the delicious vanilla spiced brandy that doesn't seem to exist anywhere else!

2) El Taco

3) My room with a view

4) Being woken up at 4:30am by seagulls in the wintertime

5) Being woken up at 4:30am by the sunlight in the summertime

6) Getting post on Saturdays

7) Donatello's spinach tagliatelle pasta

8) Donatello's chocolate truffle cake

9) The sound of waves putting me to sleep

10) The sound of waves keeping me awake when trying to sleep

11) Having flatmates

12) Riding the double decker bus

13) Fiddler's Elbow

14) Bel Canto nights at the Gladstone

15) Cheap pints in the sunshine on campus

16) ASDA

17) Faith, Ravel, Office, Dolci's and Schuh

18) The Mash Tun

19) The boys' house on Newmarket Road

20) The incompetency of the pizza delivery men

friends - the fourth

2008-04-08T01:06:00.003-04:00

Today marks the 25th birthday of one of the kindest and most wonderful friends I have. She and I have been friends just over four years and in that short span of time we have experienced so many wonderful, challenging, hilarious, sad, and amazing memories. We've travelled to many countries, visited many museums, bought a lot of shoes and tasted a lot of delicious treats. All along the way I have been so thankful for having met her.

Chance meetings are what make life so exciting, and having solid, reliable, trustworthy and honest friends like her is what makes the excitement worthwhile. She listens to me in my weakest moments and offers me strength and encouragement to move forward. She is a loving friend who isn't afraid to say things like, "That dress looks terrible, take it off immediately!"

She is intelligent, motivated, hard-working and driven and she is going to go extremely far in this world. I miss her a lot and look forward to being closer to her again in the fall.

*Happy Birthday!*

A few reasons to stick around...

2008-04-04T02:21:00.007-04:00

Unless an international (aka England) job offer comes through between now and then, my departure date for London is tentatively set for mid-September. Now there are a lot of factors that will determine the exact date I leave Toronto (my employment status here, my bank account, potential visits from English friends in early September, etc.) but I think having a date penciled in is a good idea.

In the meantime, I have a lot to look forward to on this side of the Atlantic (not to mention quality summer time with my friends and family), and will share these with you in a list that I like to call:

"A few reasons to stick around"

9 June - Yankees vs. Royals at YANKEE STADIUM, Bronx NY

6 September - Virgin Music Festival, FOO FIGHTERS, Toronto ON

7 September - Virgin Music Festival, OASIS, Toronto ON

Hopefully that list will grow over the next few days, weeks and months. I am really hopeful that it will include at least two visits from overseas, but only time will tell.

(NOTE: The 'ode to my friends' is not over, I'm just taking a short break in an effort to share my current excitement - and, let's be honest, to avoid boring you.)

An Interlude...

2008-03-29T00:36:00.003-04:00

For a moment, I'd like to move away from my tribute to the wonderful people in my life, but just for a moment as I still want to share these wonderful people with all of you out there, and still have the sincerest of intentions to post a piece on each of them. However, it should be noted that my laziness in keeping up with my blogging is not to be taken as a lack of things to say about them... despite any obligations at the moment, I really am just that lazy.

---

I quit my job at the bookstore. I am currently looking for work in London and in Toronto (though hoping the former comes through). I am planning to move to England as soon as I have the funds. I am still living at home.

Wow, I just wrote a whole lot of stuff on here and was about to post it and realised it was all so negative. I'm in a really good place right now, mentally, but I still managed to write a whole lot of negative thoughts down here. DELETE. Oh, how wonderful it would be if we could DELETE the negative thoughts from our minds as easily as we can from a blog posting. Guess what? You can. All you need to do is think about the good stuff. DUH, obvious enough?

For example. I have an amazing friend who lives in England. He is wonderful, he is intelligent, he is funny - I won't go on because I will eventually devote an entire entry to him - What I'm trying to say is that he is the greatest person in my life right now... and he doesn't even know it. ANYWAY, I came home from England in September and spent four months moaning about how much I missed him and how miserable I was living so far away from him and so many other friends. I went back to England in January and spent quite a bit of time with him and was reminded just how special he is to me. I came home this time and now a month later I still think about him everyday, but I'm not sitting in a corner crying about how much I miss him and how far away he is. Instead I'm thinking about how great he is and how lucky I am to have someone like him in my life, AND about how much I am looking forward to moving back to England within the next six months. Yes, that's right, I'm stamping it right now - within six months I will be back there (unless I have managed to remain jobless longer than I am anticipating at the moment, in which case I won't have the funds to move... but it's all about thinking positive, right?)

Think about the good stuff...it's that easy, I promise. Try it. You'll like it.

friends - the third

2008-03-27T23:06:00.004-04:00

I don't think anyone who has ever met her could think of one negative thing to say about her. She is a beautifully person inside and out, she is honest, loyal, loving, intelligent, energetic, caring, fun, sweet... she really has everything going for her. She is not only a wonderful friend but a new mother to a gorgeous son.

I have never been more proud of any of my friends as I have been of her in the last 14 months. She is so strong and confident and so wonderful with her son, I can only hope that I will have some of the same qualities that she does when the time comes for me to have children. She gives with all of her heart and I love her and her son with all of mine. I couldn't ask to have a more understanding, more loving and more courageous friend.

When we were fifteen we spent a week at a cottage up north with another friend's family, when we were seventeen we travelled to the US with my parents, when we were eighteen we travelled to France, but what I remember most - in the nearly thirteen years of our friendship - is how often we've spoken about how amazing it will be to grow old as friends and to see our children play and go on adventures together the way we have done. I can say with all certainty that no matter where we are living we will grow old as friends... I'd be a fool to let anything break up our friendship.

friends - the second

2008-03-11T00:52:00.003-04:00

There is no one else in my life that I can say absolutely anything to without hesitation. She and I have had our ups and downs, but mostly we've had a whole lot of wonderful experiences. We've spent time in four countries together and found something in each place to laugh about the way that no one else would be able to. Raw meat never made ketchup taste so good, and no other pair of friends would've been able to grin and bear it the way we did... I truly believe that.

She is kind, sensitive, clever, beautiful and brave. She is opinionated, open-minded and extremely curious and these are just three of the things that make her such a wonderful woman. There is no one I'd rather bitch with, no one I'd rather shop with, and no one I'd rather sit and cry in front of sappy movies with. She is truly my twin soul and that is why I know that no matter how much distance there is between us, we'll always be connected.

friends - the first

2008-03-10T00:57:00.003-04:00

When you've known and loved someone as long as I've known and loved this wonderful friend, it's hard to stop. She has been with me through the awkward years, the ugly years, the teeny-bopper years, the groupie years - essentially every memory I have exists within the span of our twenty-one year friendship.

She is genuine. She is kind. She is blunt when it's needed and tactful when I'm overly sensitive. She makes me laugh and laughs at my jokes. She is a wonderfully intelligent, creative, talented, courageous woman who has travelled to places I've only dreamt of and taken steps that I am only now finding the courage to take.

She is one of my nearest, dearest and best friends and I know she always will be. Wherever we go in this big old world, we will always be close because I love her like the sister I never had... and let's be honest, when you clock up as much time and as many memories with someone as she and I have, it's pretty much impossible to let them go.

Like the lifetime guarantee on repairs to the gorgeous bag she's made me, there is a lifetime guarantee that she will always be one of my very, very best friends and more so one of the most important, inspirational and influential people in my life.

through my eyes...

2008-03-06T02:26:00.003-05:00

My friends, the people who make my daily life worthwhile despite a boring job, despite lousy weather, and despite feeling a little less than sure about where I am heading.

As mentioned in my last blog, I want share the wonderful things that I see in these amazing people each and every day, and since you can't meet them all face to face I will provide you with a look into their eyes.

Just as my eyes stare at you from above these words, their eyes will accompany the words that I write about them ... I was going to keep it totally anonymous, but decided there was no reason for me to be mysterious (and I think there is a lot you can tell about someone looking in their eyes, so it seemed fitting that at least their eyes should accompany the traits that they possess).

*I apologise if this is all a bit loopy/cheesy/crazy, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want. I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and nutty these days anyway.*

my friends

2008-02-29T00:00:00.002-05:00

Being back in Toronto, working a job that drains me of all positive energy and doesn't pay me enough money to reach my goals in a timely manner, and living at home with my parents (whom I love very much, but let's face it I also love my independence) has me feeling a bit, blugh.

I've been trying to plot out the next few stages of my life and though I am unsure about where I'll be and about what I'll be doing, though certainty doesn't seem to figure into any of these plans, I have one area of my life where things are finally making sense and there are some things I can be certain of: my friends.

I guess it's true that with the more time that passes and the more changes we go through we really do start to realise who our true friends are. I also find that the older and more mature I get the friends I make, the people I choose to socialise with, become more important to me and closer to me much more quickly than people did when I was younger. I suspect this has to do with the fact that as we grow and decide on which roads we want to travel through life we meet people on the same route. We meet people who are more like minded than those we were pushed towards in high school and university. We choose the places we work, the places we live, the places we eat, drink, and dance, we choose the situations in which we meet other people who have chosen to be in those same situations. And like a wonderfully crafted puzzle we all fit together so much more easily and beautifully than we could ever have expected.

I have some really wonderful friends, some very new and some very old, but what is amazing is how much these people inspire me and support me and encourage me to be the person I want to be and not the person that it's easy to be. The next few blog entries are going to be dedicated to my dearest friends, the most important people in the world to me right now, and though I do not intend to name names for the most part, I'm sure most of them will know who I am speaking of. The point here is not to say so-and-so is great because they make me laugh, the point is to share some of the unique character traits of the most wonderful people in my life. To share the talent, intelligence, humour, beauty, and love of the most fabulous people I have ever met. The world needs more love and more honesty and I'm about to spill out a whole lot of love, honestly.

work, work, work

2008-02-24T09:07:00.003-05:00

Just about to head in to work for my third shift since returning home. It's been nice to see everyone in the shop and good to be doing something out of the house, but I must admit I am not happy to be back at work for the most part. My knees have been troubling me a lot since the start of February and standing for eight hours a day, walking up and down stairs, and bending/squatting down to reach books on lower shelves surely isn't helping them any. I am still trying to sort out what to do with myself for the next six or seven months, because ideally I would like to make my big move (aka THE BIG PLAN) in October. Of course, that is all dependent on how soon I get myself a job that pays at least double what I'm making now (which, trust me, isn't going to be too hard considering my wee salary at the moment) and on how motivated I am to stick to my guns.

This time, I think I am more than ready to get out of here and should be able to follow any path necessary to get there. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll have some new job prospects on the horizon. Wish me luck.

Back and forth

2008-02-20T11:34:00.002-05:00

I have returned to Toronto, yet again, and this time was not so different from when I landed in September: I cried again when we touched down on the runway, terribly sad that I am once again so far away from so many amazing people. Yes, I am glad to be back here in some ways, to be near my family and friends that are here with me, but it's becoming increasingly harder and harder to leave the UK after my stints over there. This time I don't know for sure when I'm going back (though I'm hoping for early autumn), this time Emily is not in Toronto, this time I have even less money, and this time I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I have all sorts of plans laid out, but as they say even the best laid plans... More on that later.

For now, a big thank you to everyone who made my visit in the UK so wonderful. I am very foruntate to have so many amazing friends all over the world, but I must admit the ones in England have a way of making me feel really, really at home. I know this sounds dumb, because I naturally feel at home when with my friends in Toronto, but I am so comfortable and happy when in England with my dear friends there that it instantly makes an unfamiliar place feel like home.

Hmmm, I think I need to stop writing here. I'm feeling a bit too sorry for myself this morning and this will only turn into some sort of sad rant about how miserable life is at home in Toronto. Truth is, it's not so bad, I'm just not where I want to be and I'm certainly not doing what I want to be doing. Hopefully over the next couple of days I'll get my head back on straight and will have more positive things to say. Otherwise I'll write another sob story on here about how much I miss my friends in England.

Thanks,Nicole... again.

2008-02-10T19:08:00.000-05:00

As I sit here enjoying the second hour of mostly continuous high speed internet access at Allison's flat in Hove, I am pleased to announce that once again Nicole's blog has sent me on a survey/list/google sort of adventure. Below is a new sort of visual survey all about, you guessed it, me. Cheers, Nicole.

1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket (www.photobucket.com)
3) Take any picture from the first page of results and post. (click on the picture and copy the HTML code)

---

1) The age I will be on my next birthday:

2) A place I would like to travel:

3) My favourite place:

4) My favourite object:

5) My favourite food:

6) My favourite animal:

7)My favourite colour:

8) Where I was born:

9) The town in which I live:

10) My favourite band:

11) My first name:

12) My last name:

13)My favourite store:

14) My favourite song:

15) My favourite movie:

mini update

2008-01-27T09:53:00.001-05:00

el taco is still delicious
the sun is still shining!

graduation was lovely and i will post photos as soon as i can download them onto a computer.

ENGLAND!

2008-01-23T07:14:00.001-05:00

Short but sweet: an update.

I arrived at 5:30am yesterday morning, an hour ahead of schedule (thank you British Airways and your speeding pilot) and headed straight down to Brighton.

Greeted by sunshine and bright blue skies I bought myself a latte, met up with my friend Ru and took a stroll down memory lane (and the Brighton Lanes, North Laines, seafront and good old Western Road).

For those of you who were here with me last year, here are some important things to know:

An ex-Sussex student can still log on to campus computers
El Taco is still open
Traffic is driving in both directions on North Street again
A Citysaver bus ticket is now £3.20
Primark's new store (just down the road from the old one) is open and really big
There is still scaffolding on the Pavilion
Zap club is gone and a new club called Digital has replaced it
Oceana (under the odeon on the seafront) is open
The Beach nightclub is apparently finally being gutted and redone

and finally.... this place, although still pulling on my heartstrings and begging me to stay, is not the same without you.

More to come as soon as I can get online again.

it's time....

2008-01-21T01:38:00.000-05:00

I leave at 6:35pm today and as I look at the clock and see the dreadful 1:39am time staring back in my face, I am reminded of how much I love and hate packing. If I were flying British Airways both to and from the UK I would enjoy packing much, much more than I am enjoying it tonight. Because I am flying home on Air Transat I have to make sure that my luggage (including the oh-so-heavy suitcase itself) doesn't exceed 10kg. *sigh*

All of my clothes (well nearly all) that I plan to bring are currently tossed on my bed. The makeup/toiletry items have yet to be riffled through to determine what I can't live without for four weeks. Note to self: they have shops in England and anything you can't fit or anything you forget most likely can be purchased on the other side of the pond.

So all packing woes aside, I am VERY excited for this trip. It doesn't feel quite real that in just over twenty four hours I will be seeing the first of many wonderful faces that I have been longing to see for months now. It occurred to me that Rupert is the only one I've actually seen since I've been home, thanks to the technical wizardry that is the webcam. I am sure most of my dear friends look the same, but as I know these past five months have been both kind and unkind to me, I have to acknowledge that they may have changed them as well... oh the anticipation really gets me going.

I am drinking coffee to get me back on the high that I lost while playing Top Gear on Super Nintendo with my brother, while sitting crossed-legged on a very hard wooden floor. Note to self: invest in some bedroom furniture to make television watching and video game play more enjoyable/comfortable.

*ramble, ramble*

The point of this entry is to apologise for my predicted absence over the next four weeks. I know I will be online checking email and the like, but I don't know how often I'll be able to access this site to update y'all on my travels. So, between now and 19 February if you miss me you probably have another means by which to get in touch with me, so please do so.

One last thing: Because I haven't commented properly on the films I've seen in the last month, I will give you a list of approved and disapproved films and will elaborate for anyone who may be interested.

Approved:
P.S. I Love You
Cloverfield (saw a free screening)
Sweeney Todd

Disapproved:
Mad Money (saw a free screening) - this film has actually been added to my list of "Worst Movies Ever", not to be confused with my other infamous list, "Movies I Hate."

The list toppers from the above mentioned lists are:

Worst Movies Ever:
Stuck on You

Movies I Hate:
Minority Report

That's all I have to say at the moment. If I find that I am inspired again before I leave you will hear from me... but for now, have a lovely few weeks.
x

nonsense

2008-01-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

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Renee Just Feels Right.

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Footwear

2008-01-10T01:52:00.000-05:00

This Tuesday just gone it was 15 degrees in Toronto! So, naturally, all of the snow has melted. I must be honest the nice crisp coolness is a refreshing and delightful change to the bitter cold and slush that came with all the snow recently. Apart from feeling nice and comfortable when walking, the ground being clear of snow also means a change of footwear. Below are two new pairs of shoes, bought to celebrate sales and the lack of snow, and one pair that has resurfaced after not being worn since the World Series.... yes, a longtime Yankee fan now owns a pair of Red Sox sneakers. And rightly so! The Yankees got rid of Bernie Williams, my favourite player for more than ten years, so I am allowing myself to give in to my secret love of the Boston Red Sox.

WOW, weather AND talk of footwear. This might be the most sinfully boring blog entry yet! (At least it has photos, right?) To be honest, I have a few things on my mind at the moment but haven't had a chance to sort them out clearly enough to post them here for your reading pleasure. I have seen a couple movies recently and will eventually get to 'reviewing' them for you, but I'm a bit lazy/distracted/tired to do it right now.

That and, well, after my last post I got to thinking about some of the answers I'd included. I'm not taking back what I said for any of them, don't worry. I just got to thinking about them, that's all... one in particular. The love question. Did I fall in love in 2007? To which I replied, "I think I might have, though I can't be sure just yet." Could I be more vague? Yes, I suppose I could. But as this response sparked curiosity with at least one of my friends, it also left me wondering what the real answer behind that vagueness is...

Truth is, I really don't know. I mean, can you fall in love without someone falling in love with you back? Sure, you can fall in love with a pair (or three pairs) of shoes, but to actually fall in love with another person doesn't it require that person feeling the same way. You can love someone with all of your heart, but being in love is that rare and wonderful and magical and butterfly-inducing feeling that really doesn't happen until the other person feels it to. So, I stand by my answer. no matter what I felt, or thought I felt, I can't be sure it was me falling in love.

If only sorting out true feelings was as easy as buying a pair of shoes. With shoes they either fit or they don't. You either like the way they look on your feet or you don't. They either have your size or they don't. With shoes there is not much left to the imagination, yet with men there is far too much left to the imagination and it is this imagination that encourages my romantic soul to remain hopeful and optimistic about finding real love.

Hmm, I've never really gone into too much detail about how I feel about love or relationships and the like, have I? Well, I suppose I had to start somewhere. Welcome to my wonderfully romantic, yet strangely analytical, heartfelt world.

38 for the start of 2008

2008-01-02T23:58:00.001-05:00

Stolen, nay borrowed, from Nicole... To sum up 2007 and bring in 2008.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I went crab and lobster fishing in the English Channel - true, I didn't do any of the hard work, but I was on the boat before 8am in February... brrr (but I'd do it again in a heartbeat)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really make resolutions, but I do try to make changes every so often (as any of you who have read my blog before should know)... in 2007 I made a promise to be more honest about my feelings and to put myself first. It wasn't as easy as I had hoped it would be to do those things, but I am getting better every day.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My wonderful friend Anna gave birth to her gorgeous son Kofi in February. I was so sad to have missed both her pregnancy and her son's birth, but am so proud of her and absolutely adore my little "nephew".

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My granny's sister passed away while I was overseas. It all happened to fast and not being able to say goodbye and not being able to be there to send my love to her husband and children was really hard. But we grow stronger and love deeper with every change.

5. What countries did you visit?
England, Wales, Austria and the United States

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More motivation to achieve the goals that I set for myself.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
15 January - submission day for fall term papers and my first big drink up at Falmer Bar
18 February - the big fishing day on the sea
3 September - submission day of final dissertations... what a relief that day was
6 September - my final day in the UK, spent in London with Jack, before returning to Canada the following afternoon

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my Master's in Contemporary History

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not really a failure per se, but certainly something I am disappointed in myself for - I wish that I had stayed in England in September instead of coming back to Toronto.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My second tattoo... it really does remind me every day to be myself and to not be afraid that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Rupert had a not-so-easy breakup in the fall, and though he calls his behaviour childish and immature I was and still am so proud of his honesty and his willingness to share so much of himself at such a difficult time.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A friend of mine who will remain nameless.... For constantly disappointing me and for making me feel guilty in times when I was not at fault. For making me question my love, my loyalty and my heart... I am big on forgiveness, but I am not going to forget the hurt that this friend caused me anytime soon.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and drinks in the UK... too much booze!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A lot of little things. Most of which revolved around nights out with the boys of Newmarket Road. Whether they know it or not the four of them made my year so fantastic. Every time I went to their house or went out with them I was happy, and being genuinely happy made me really, really, really excited every time.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Heart of Gold" by Neil Young... it's always been one of my favourites, but I definitely listened to it a LOT this past year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter and poorer.... OOPS!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time on the beach in Brighton when it was sunny and warm.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sitting on my butt in my room watching the sea from inside.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my family... just like old times.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I thought that I might have, though I can't be sure just yet.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office (US)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is far too strong of a word, but I will say that I lost a lot of respect for someone....

24. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Simian Mobile Disco

26. What did you want and get?
Wonderful new friends

27. What did you want and not get?
The funds and means to move back to England/remain in England.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno (go figure I saw it three times in theatres)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
For my 25th birthday my fantastic friends (mostly new, and two old) filled the main floor of the Fish Bowl in Brighton - what a great night that was!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ending it with a fabulous job offer for a proper job.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Longing to wear more exciting and sassy clothes, settling for whatever was comfortable and clean.

32. What kept you sane?
Reruns of Friends and Fraser... and late night gab sessions with Dina and Annie and Genti.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Steven Gerrard and Matt Damon

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not going there...

35. Who did you miss?
All of my new friends who are scattered across Europe, Britain, Asia and the Americas

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Jack. My music and club guru, who knows a little something about everything.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
True friends are hard to come by, and once you find that you have some never let them go.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No, I don't think I can do this.... I can't think of a specific song, but it would go something like this: "What started out great, got better, and then sucked, and then it was Christmas, and now I have something to look forward to."

A new year...

2008-01-02T00:04:00.000-05:00

And with this new year comes my 50th post! True, a lot of these blog entries have been dull and perhaps a bit repetitive, but I have enjoyed writing them nonetheless.

As is the case with each new year I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the past 365 days recently and I have come to realise that making "New Year's Resolutions" isn't going to help me change the bad habits in my life, I have to actually want and be willing to change these things. I intend, yes intend not resolve, to stick to the goals I have set for myself recently, most notably to get back into shape and move back to England.

As for my final night of 2007 and my first day of 2008 - well, nothing too spectacular. Last night I went to a lovely dinner with five of my dear friends followed by some drinks at Eric's house and then dancing at a club downtown - not really the perfect end to a really great night, but the company was good. Though, I must admit when it came time to ring in the new year, the few people that I wanted around most were a million miles away. Not literally of course, but they felt further than ever before.... wow, I am so dramatic sometimes. But it's true. The ones who I really wanted to start the new year with are on the other side of a very large pond and I am struggling to get there. What's more, they don't even know how much they mean to me (though I do tell them every chance I get how much I miss them and can't wait to see them), and maybe if I'm lucky and brave I will find a way to convey how important they are to me when I see them in a few weeks.

I thought I would have more to say in this post, but as it turns out I don't want to share too much of myself on this blog tonight. I tend to share too much of myself with the rest of the world and sometimes I get hurt because of is... that is not why I am holding back tonight, I'm just not in the mood to blabber on about my oh-so-sad state of affairs.

Again, I am overly dramatic.
Happy 2008.