Having recently celebrated my 27th birthday, I thought I would take a moment to share with you 27 things that have made me smile in the five months since I left Toronto. (I know it's been ages since I've posted regular updates on here, but I like my lists, so bear with me for a little while longer while I update you on my new life in the UK thus far with points of interest.)
1. Watching an entire country come to a standstill over 2 inches of snow.
2. Listening to Oasis over dinner at a restaurant in Manchester.
3. Having a friend's cat watch my every move whilst getting ready to leave their flat around midday. Poor Finn wasn't used to having so much company in the day, what with Jen and Jack at work from the early morning to the early evening, so she was very interested to see what I was up to in her home.
4. Watching Lee Evans on TV with Mark, and laughing so much it hurt.
5. Fighting against the wind on Brighton's seafront... nothing makes me smile quite as much as the many happy memories that the wind in Brighton brings me.
6. Going to dinner with Sarah - no matter where we end up we are always seated next to individuals who combined would easily make up the world's strangest people.
7. Walking to work on my birthday while the sun slowly emerged from behind a very scary looking cloud.
8. Going to the cinema at Leicester Square by myself on a Saturday night. I really am a fantastic date.
9. Being told by some of my lovely male friends that I looked gorgeous on my birthday.
10. Watching my colleague Joel gawk at attractive women as they pass us by outside of Parliament.
11. Going swimming.
12. Each and every time I get a piece of mail I smile.
13. Laying in bed listening to the latest Kings of Leon CD on my iPod for the first time in absolute darkness.
14. Being called "love" and "my dear" on a regular basis by friends and shopkeepers.
15. Walking past Buckingham Palace on the way to work.
16. Listening to the rain fall on skylight windows while cuddled up under a warm duvet.
17. Playing Deal or No Deal with Ru on the night before his birthday.
18. Receiving a phone call from Kevin nearly once a week.
19. Knowing that I am going home to Toronto for a visit very soon.
20. Climbing into my bed at night to feel the cool, smooth fitted sheet I bought from IKEA
21. Having Allison nearby, especially on the days when we both really need a good friend.
22. RIO - the carbonated beverage that I often associate with a very memorable weekend in Brighton and the very good friend who introduced me to it.
23. Riding on a nearly empty double decker bus, in the front seat upstairs.
24. Treating myself to expensive luxuries from time to time - for example the hand cream I bought myself at Rituals over a month ago... still makes me smile each time I use it.
25. Being asked directions and knowing the answer.
26. Walking aimlessly around The City on a weekend when it is nearly deserted of all cars and pedestrians.
27. Finding a good deal on a coach or train ticket to a new part of the country.
Showing posts with label Ru. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ru. Show all posts
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Monday, 5 January 2009
Greetings, from across the pond!
I finally made it back to England and the smile that has been planted on my face since last week Tuesday is enough to tell me I did, in fact, make the right decision.
I landed midday on Tuesday and met up with my old flatmate (and Vancouverite) Annie in the customs line. We collected our baggage and boarded a coach bound for Brighton. Two hours later, and a little bit groggy, we found a spacious taxi that brought us to Allison’s flat in Hove (actually). After discovering that a week without heat had made the flat cold enough so we could see our breath we turned on the heaters and left for the pub in hopes that they would warm up by the time we returned… they sort of did. The trouble with Alli’s flat is that it’s an older building and the insulation isn’t fantastic. So despite the electric heaters’ best efforts, we had a chilly first night back in England.
The following morning, New Year’s Eve day, I helped get Annie off to catch another coach at 6am. Spent a couple hours online (and should’ve update my blog, but didn’t think of it) and went back to bed. Only to wake up some hours later to catch a train to London for the end of year festivities at my friend Jack’s place.
The night was full of cheerful people, wine, good music, champagne, interesting conversation, beer, and a flat full of some old but mostly new friends. Now, I realise I may never see some of the people I met that night ever again (and honestly hope I don’t see a couple of them), but it was an enjoyable way to ring in 2009 and I was glad for the invite from Jack.
New Year’s Day I made my way back to Brighton, slowly. Spent the rest of that day relaxing and catching up with Allison (who arrived earlier that morning from Ottawa). Friday I spent enjoying the sunshine in Hove and went for a little walk around. In the evening caught up with my dear friend Rupert over some pints and a few rounds of Deal or No Deal (the electronic pub game, not the television show) and ended the evening with some chicken wings and the film GONE BABY GONE chez Rupert. A very enjoyable night indeed.
Saturday and Sunday were very relaxed. Allison, Chris and I went for some drinks and chips on Saturday afternoon and while we had planned to go out later that evening with Rachel, plans fell through when both Allison and I fell asleep around 7:30. It seems it takes a few days for the jet lag to really kick in when you’re keeping busy enough. I slept through the night because when I woke up around 10 with a sore throat and stuffed up nose I opted to catch up on sleep and try to will the sickness away. No such luck. Sunday was spent mostly in bed trying to stay warm and while we ventured out around 3 to pick up some food and such from Tesco, both Alli and I were full of sniffles all day.
And now it’s Monday. The sun is shining, apparently it snowed this morning (and of course I missed it) and though it’s a bit chilly outside, I think I will go for a walk. Might even make it all the way to Brighton (which for those of you who don’t know the geography of Brighton and Hove, is only about fifteen/twenty minutes down the main road until you’re magically in Brighton).
No big plans for the rest of the week other than going to London on Thursday to take a look at a flat near Finsbury Park. I wasn’t planning on looking for a flat until I found a job, but this one is an excellent price for all that is included and if the couple who live there are as nice as they seem and the place is in a decent location it might be wise to get in while I can… I think everyone can agree that finding an affordable place to live (especially in a city like London) and good people to share it with is not an easy feat.
Happy 2009 everyone. I hope your year is starting off as happy as mine. (I will write a New Year type entry in the next day or two).
I landed midday on Tuesday and met up with my old flatmate (and Vancouverite) Annie in the customs line. We collected our baggage and boarded a coach bound for Brighton. Two hours later, and a little bit groggy, we found a spacious taxi that brought us to Allison’s flat in Hove (actually). After discovering that a week without heat had made the flat cold enough so we could see our breath we turned on the heaters and left for the pub in hopes that they would warm up by the time we returned… they sort of did. The trouble with Alli’s flat is that it’s an older building and the insulation isn’t fantastic. So despite the electric heaters’ best efforts, we had a chilly first night back in England.
The following morning, New Year’s Eve day, I helped get Annie off to catch another coach at 6am. Spent a couple hours online (and should’ve update my blog, but didn’t think of it) and went back to bed. Only to wake up some hours later to catch a train to London for the end of year festivities at my friend Jack’s place.
The night was full of cheerful people, wine, good music, champagne, interesting conversation, beer, and a flat full of some old but mostly new friends. Now, I realise I may never see some of the people I met that night ever again (and honestly hope I don’t see a couple of them), but it was an enjoyable way to ring in 2009 and I was glad for the invite from Jack.
New Year’s Day I made my way back to Brighton, slowly. Spent the rest of that day relaxing and catching up with Allison (who arrived earlier that morning from Ottawa). Friday I spent enjoying the sunshine in Hove and went for a little walk around. In the evening caught up with my dear friend Rupert over some pints and a few rounds of Deal or No Deal (the electronic pub game, not the television show) and ended the evening with some chicken wings and the film GONE BABY GONE chez Rupert. A very enjoyable night indeed.
Saturday and Sunday were very relaxed. Allison, Chris and I went for some drinks and chips on Saturday afternoon and while we had planned to go out later that evening with Rachel, plans fell through when both Allison and I fell asleep around 7:30. It seems it takes a few days for the jet lag to really kick in when you’re keeping busy enough. I slept through the night because when I woke up around 10 with a sore throat and stuffed up nose I opted to catch up on sleep and try to will the sickness away. No such luck. Sunday was spent mostly in bed trying to stay warm and while we ventured out around 3 to pick up some food and such from Tesco, both Alli and I were full of sniffles all day.
And now it’s Monday. The sun is shining, apparently it snowed this morning (and of course I missed it) and though it’s a bit chilly outside, I think I will go for a walk. Might even make it all the way to Brighton (which for those of you who don’t know the geography of Brighton and Hove, is only about fifteen/twenty minutes down the main road until you’re magically in Brighton).
No big plans for the rest of the week other than going to London on Thursday to take a look at a flat near Finsbury Park. I wasn’t planning on looking for a flat until I found a job, but this one is an excellent price for all that is included and if the couple who live there are as nice as they seem and the place is in a decent location it might be wise to get in while I can… I think everyone can agree that finding an affordable place to live (especially in a city like London) and good people to share it with is not an easy feat.
Happy 2009 everyone. I hope your year is starting off as happy as mine. (I will write a New Year type entry in the next day or two).
Monday, 26 May 2008
friends - the seventh
And back to my lovely friends, with a few words about a wonderful man who has only been a part of my life for just under two years, but who has made more of an impact than others who have been around five times as long.
He is kind, caring, sarcastic, honest, sometimes bitter, sometimes a bit twisted, sometimes plain old crazy - but hey, sometimes I am all of these things as well so I suppose it's fitting that in this photo I can see my own reflection in his "eyes". He is romantic, incredibly charming and sincere and can always, always make me laugh even when no one else can.
We've helped each other through some not-so-easy times and perhaps as a result have found a comfort level with each other that I don't have with many people. No one else makes me feel quite as special as he does, with phone calls/emails/texts, etc., and I am counting down the days until I can sit down with him for a nice cold pint of Stella while we piss away our money on pub games.
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
38 for the start of 2008
Stolen, nay borrowed, from Nicole... To sum up 2007 and bring in 2008.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I went crab and lobster fishing in the English Channel - true, I didn't do any of the hard work, but I was on the boat before 8am in February... brrr (but I'd do it again in a heartbeat)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really make resolutions, but I do try to make changes every so often (as any of you who have read my blog before should know)... in 2007 I made a promise to be more honest about my feelings and to put myself first. It wasn't as easy as I had hoped it would be to do those things, but I am getting better every day.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My wonderful friend Anna gave birth to her gorgeous son Kofi in February. I was so sad to have missed both her pregnancy and her son's birth, but am so proud of her and absolutely adore my little "nephew".
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My granny's sister passed away while I was overseas. It all happened to fast and not being able to say goodbye and not being able to be there to send my love to her husband and children was really hard. But we grow stronger and love deeper with every change.
5. What countries did you visit?
England, Wales, Austria and the United States
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More motivation to achieve the goals that I set for myself.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
15 January - submission day for fall term papers and my first big drink up at Falmer Bar
18 February - the big fishing day on the sea
3 September - submission day of final dissertations... what a relief that day was
6 September - my final day in the UK, spent in London with Jack, before returning to Canada the following afternoon
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my Master's in Contemporary History
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not really a failure per se, but certainly something I am disappointed in myself for - I wish that I had stayed in England in September instead of coming back to Toronto.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My second tattoo... it really does remind me every day to be myself and to not be afraid that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Rupert had a not-so-easy breakup in the fall, and though he calls his behaviour childish and immature I was and still am so proud of his honesty and his willingness to share so much of himself at such a difficult time.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A friend of mine who will remain nameless.... For constantly disappointing me and for making me feel guilty in times when I was not at fault. For making me question my love, my loyalty and my heart... I am big on forgiveness, but I am not going to forget the hurt that this friend caused me anytime soon.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and drinks in the UK... too much booze!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A lot of little things. Most of which revolved around nights out with the boys of Newmarket Road. Whether they know it or not the four of them made my year so fantastic. Every time I went to their house or went out with them I was happy, and being genuinely happy made me really, really, really excited every time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Heart of Gold" by Neil Young... it's always been one of my favourites, but I definitely listened to it a LOT this past year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter and poorer.... OOPS!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time on the beach in Brighton when it was sunny and warm.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sitting on my butt in my room watching the sea from inside.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my family... just like old times.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I thought that I might have, though I can't be sure just yet.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office (US)
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is far too strong of a word, but I will say that I lost a lot of respect for someone....
24. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Simian Mobile Disco
26. What did you want and get?
Wonderful new friends
27. What did you want and not get?
The funds and means to move back to England/remain in England.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno (go figure I saw it three times in theatres)
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
For my 25th birthday my fantastic friends (mostly new, and two old) filled the main floor of the Fish Bowl in Brighton - what a great night that was!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ending it with a fabulous job offer for a proper job.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Longing to wear more exciting and sassy clothes, settling for whatever was comfortable and clean.
32. What kept you sane?
Reruns of Friends and Fraser... and late night gab sessions with Dina and Annie and Genti.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Steven Gerrard and Matt Damon
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not going there...
35. Who did you miss?
All of my new friends who are scattered across Europe, Britain, Asia and the Americas
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Jack. My music and club guru, who knows a little something about everything.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
True friends are hard to come by, and once you find that you have some never let them go.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No, I don't think I can do this.... I can't think of a specific song, but it would go something like this: "What started out great, got better, and then sucked, and then it was Christmas, and now I have something to look forward to."
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I went crab and lobster fishing in the English Channel - true, I didn't do any of the hard work, but I was on the boat before 8am in February... brrr (but I'd do it again in a heartbeat)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really make resolutions, but I do try to make changes every so often (as any of you who have read my blog before should know)... in 2007 I made a promise to be more honest about my feelings and to put myself first. It wasn't as easy as I had hoped it would be to do those things, but I am getting better every day.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My wonderful friend Anna gave birth to her gorgeous son Kofi in February. I was so sad to have missed both her pregnancy and her son's birth, but am so proud of her and absolutely adore my little "nephew".
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My granny's sister passed away while I was overseas. It all happened to fast and not being able to say goodbye and not being able to be there to send my love to her husband and children was really hard. But we grow stronger and love deeper with every change.
5. What countries did you visit?
England, Wales, Austria and the United States
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More motivation to achieve the goals that I set for myself.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
15 January - submission day for fall term papers and my first big drink up at Falmer Bar
18 February - the big fishing day on the sea
3 September - submission day of final dissertations... what a relief that day was
6 September - my final day in the UK, spent in London with Jack, before returning to Canada the following afternoon
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my Master's in Contemporary History
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not really a failure per se, but certainly something I am disappointed in myself for - I wish that I had stayed in England in September instead of coming back to Toronto.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully, no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My second tattoo... it really does remind me every day to be myself and to not be afraid that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Rupert had a not-so-easy breakup in the fall, and though he calls his behaviour childish and immature I was and still am so proud of his honesty and his willingness to share so much of himself at such a difficult time.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A friend of mine who will remain nameless.... For constantly disappointing me and for making me feel guilty in times when I was not at fault. For making me question my love, my loyalty and my heart... I am big on forgiveness, but I am not going to forget the hurt that this friend caused me anytime soon.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and drinks in the UK... too much booze!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A lot of little things. Most of which revolved around nights out with the boys of Newmarket Road. Whether they know it or not the four of them made my year so fantastic. Every time I went to their house or went out with them I was happy, and being genuinely happy made me really, really, really excited every time.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Heart of Gold" by Neil Young... it's always been one of my favourites, but I definitely listened to it a LOT this past year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Sadder, fatter and poorer.... OOPS!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time on the beach in Brighton when it was sunny and warm.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sitting on my butt in my room watching the sea from inside.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my family... just like old times.
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I thought that I might have, though I can't be sure just yet.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office (US)
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is far too strong of a word, but I will say that I lost a lot of respect for someone....
24. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Simian Mobile Disco
26. What did you want and get?
Wonderful new friends
27. What did you want and not get?
The funds and means to move back to England/remain in England.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno (go figure I saw it three times in theatres)
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
For my 25th birthday my fantastic friends (mostly new, and two old) filled the main floor of the Fish Bowl in Brighton - what a great night that was!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ending it with a fabulous job offer for a proper job.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Longing to wear more exciting and sassy clothes, settling for whatever was comfortable and clean.
32. What kept you sane?
Reruns of Friends and Fraser... and late night gab sessions with Dina and Annie and Genti.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Steven Gerrard and Matt Damon
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm not going there...
35. Who did you miss?
All of my new friends who are scattered across Europe, Britain, Asia and the Americas
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Jack. My music and club guru, who knows a little something about everything.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
True friends are hard to come by, and once you find that you have some never let them go.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No, I don't think I can do this.... I can't think of a specific song, but it would go something like this: "What started out great, got better, and then sucked, and then it was Christmas, and now I have something to look forward to."
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Giving thanks...
This weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving - the holiday designed to make you overeat, over drink and to look back and reflect on all of the things you are thankful for in your life. We had a very traditional turkey dinner (albeit sans potatoes) at home with three guests. It's always nice to have family over at the holidays, and despite the fact that we were actually expecting six quests and only half showed up, it was a very good evening.
Keeping with the spirit of the holiday, I got to thinking about the things I am thankful for in my life. Correction: I got to thinking about the people that I am thankful for in my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful brother, wonderful parents who have been encouraging and supportive my entire life, a great extended family and probably the best friends a girl could ask for. This week I took a moment to really think about the newer friends in my life who helped me get through a really challenging year in Brighton. I experienced so many ups and downs over the year and am so thankful for all of the support and laughter that my friends were there to provide me with.
I have already posted a few notes about my flatmates and my high school friends on my Facebook profile (which I will copy into a blog later this week), but I want to take this moment, and use this space, to address the new friends (and old friends) who made my year in Brighton so amazing ...
Allison Fan
Alqwai Majidah
Chris Walters
Claire Chester
David Mason
Donna Hetherington
Jack O'Connor
Jessica Ainlay
Jessica Getz
Jordan Niel
Krys Kamola
Mark Brownsey-Joyce
Maya Ganesh
Nick Ceadel
Nick Christian
Nick Goulds
Nicole Barry
Sarah Odams
Sean Carroll
Simon Mussell
Rupert Swayne
Rachel Watts
I am hoping to send a proper letter to each of you in the upcoming weeks, with an update, a thanks, and a hello... but we'll see how far I get with that.
You really mean the world to me, and I hope that whatever you are doing and wherever you are doing it, that you are happy.
x
Keeping with the spirit of the holiday, I got to thinking about the things I am thankful for in my life. Correction: I got to thinking about the people that I am thankful for in my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful brother, wonderful parents who have been encouraging and supportive my entire life, a great extended family and probably the best friends a girl could ask for. This week I took a moment to really think about the newer friends in my life who helped me get through a really challenging year in Brighton. I experienced so many ups and downs over the year and am so thankful for all of the support and laughter that my friends were there to provide me with.
I have already posted a few notes about my flatmates and my high school friends on my Facebook profile (which I will copy into a blog later this week), but I want to take this moment, and use this space, to address the new friends (and old friends) who made my year in Brighton so amazing ...
Allison Fan
Alqwai Majidah
Chris Walters
Claire Chester
David Mason
Donna Hetherington
Jack O'Connor
Jessica Ainlay
Jessica Getz
Jordan Niel
Krys Kamola
Mark Brownsey-Joyce
Maya Ganesh
Nick Ceadel
Nick Christian
Nick Goulds
Nicole Barry
Sarah Odams
Sean Carroll
Simon Mussell
Rupert Swayne
Rachel Watts
I am hoping to send a proper letter to each of you in the upcoming weeks, with an update, a thanks, and a hello... but we'll see how far I get with that.
You really mean the world to me, and I hope that whatever you are doing and wherever you are doing it, that you are happy.
x
Thursday, 4 October 2007
Oh, poor me.... but seriously.
Do you ever feel like the people who are physically the closest to you are the ones who are emotionally the furthest away? That is how I feel. I have been home nearly one month and I feel like my friends and family (to a lesser extent) here don't... hmm, how do I say this without making it sound really pathetic or accusatory... they don't seem to care that I'm home? No, God,that sounds awful. I know they care, but let's just say over the year that I was gone life went on (obviously) and now that I'm back it just feels like their lives are still going on without me. Perhaps that's a little bit over dramatic, but I just feel like the people who supposedly care about me the most, the ones who claimed to have missed me so much while I was gone and couldn't wait for me to get back seem to be the ones who don't share big news with me until I hear it from someone else and then ask them about it, the ones who don't return my calls/emails/texts, the ones who have no time for me and somehow no capability to make a wee bit of time to catch up.
On the flip side, some of the really great friends I've left behind in England (or elsewhere) still make the effort and are still interested in what I'm doing and in seeing me... perhaps it's easier when we're all in transit trying to make sense of things around us and trying to fit into lives we thought we'd left behind, but at the same time old friends, good friends, best friends, should make me feel a bit more welcome back here at home.... shouldn't they? I don't know, maybe I'm expecting too much. I know that as the one who left and the one who has returned I should make an effort... but I AM making one.
Yesterday afternoon my wonderful friend Ru called me. From his mobile. From London. Probably one of the most expensive calls he's made in ages, because we spoke for a while... but he made the call because he wanted to talk to me. I guess I am just feeling like the people that I really matter to these days are the ones who aren't here.
Of course there are exceptions (most notably my family), but I just don't feel like I have a place here anymore and I certainly don't feel at home.
On the flip side, some of the really great friends I've left behind in England (or elsewhere) still make the effort and are still interested in what I'm doing and in seeing me... perhaps it's easier when we're all in transit trying to make sense of things around us and trying to fit into lives we thought we'd left behind, but at the same time old friends, good friends, best friends, should make me feel a bit more welcome back here at home.... shouldn't they? I don't know, maybe I'm expecting too much. I know that as the one who left and the one who has returned I should make an effort... but I AM making one.
Yesterday afternoon my wonderful friend Ru called me. From his mobile. From London. Probably one of the most expensive calls he's made in ages, because we spoke for a while... but he made the call because he wanted to talk to me. I guess I am just feeling like the people that I really matter to these days are the ones who aren't here.
Of course there are exceptions (most notably my family), but I just don't feel like I have a place here anymore and I certainly don't feel at home.
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